Feed your artist soul: guest post

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Pastel landscape painting En plein air
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I’ve written about my attempts to feed my artist’s soul. Just heard from a subscriber about how she feeds hers—she invites others to join her on trips to Europe. Pretty cool.

Nina Weiss has been a professional artist and educator for twenty-five years. In all that time teaching she’s had many single women students at various stages in their lives and careers. She says she noticed that no matter how busy, stressed, and swamped they were, these women seemed compelled to find time somehow to attend an art class or carve out a weekend to attend a workshop.

“The women who attend my workshops come from all walks of life, including lawyers, architects; executives, and homemakers. They realize and honor the knowledge that no matter how fulfilling their jobs may be, they still have urges to dig a little deeper into their creative selves and give those urges an outlet.”

What happens when you honor these urges? Nina says, “Our creative selves are quiet, but they’re very important to our happiness and well-being. Creativity is a process that is not necessarily linked to outcome.” It’s more about the process, she says, and how that process makes us feel. “It can be something just for yourself and not meant to please anyone else…fulfilling and pleasurable regardless of how it turns out. Acknowledging the creative process can lead to a deep contentment that cannot be overestimated!”

Nina teaches classes and workshops throughout the United States. In case you find yourself with the urge, the time and the money, check out Nina’s European Landscape Painting and Drawing Workshop coming up. She’s been doing these workshops for ten years and says they offer a wonderful opportunity to give your creativity “free reign in a comfortable setting of like-minded travelers and artists under the tutelage of a compassionate and experienced teacher.”

BURFORD, UNITED KINGDOM - APRIL 21: A view do...
Image by Getty Images via @daylife

This year the workshops include a visit to the Cotswolds in England. I’ve been there and can tell you  it’s one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. I actually did a watercolor from a photo I did there—and sold that picture right away. You can check out a catalog of Nina’s workshops here and visit her website at www.ninaweiss.com.

“Whatever you do, be sure to go make some art and feed your soul!” says Nina. I second that thought.

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Barbara Payne, January 25th 2011 | Posted in art vacation, single again, single lifestyles, single woman

The ever-shifting status of women—and how many are marrying

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For centuries in American history women were not legally considered people. Today, though we think we’ve “come a long way, baby,” there’s a guy, Justice Antonin Scalia, on the Supreme Court who says he still doesn’t think women fit the legal definition of “people.” Judge, are you for real?

The Feminine Mystique was a runaway international bestseller in the 60s. Even though it had its faults, it was a beacon of hope for hundreds of thousands of American housewives who felt stifled and unseen. Stephanie Coontz gives a useful analysis of the book and some interesting insights on the status of women in America in the 50s and 60s versus their status now. She admits that times were particularly prejudiced against women then and mentions how single women were in some ways freer than married women—married women were basically subsumed into their partners’ legal identities and had few rights of their own.

Even though laws discriminating against women have improved in the U.S., rates of marriage are still dropping in almost every country around the world. Here are a couple of New York Times writer’s opinions on the subject of how marriage is faring these days and whether the frequency of marriage, or lack thereof, has anything to do with the state of business. Reading the comments on the Freakonomics post (second link) is like peeking into the minds of people on different sides of the question—one says happy single women = lower marriage rates. Another says

Love and Marriage
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the easily availability of pornography has had a big influence on rates of marriage. Hmmm. Really?

Oh, well, it’s interesting stuff if you have a few minutes to read. Like anything you try to “prove” with statistics, there’s always another angle you can view it from. So here’s to you, fellow single working woman—and who cares what observers say about our status!

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Barbara Payne, January 24th 2011 | Posted in Uncategorized

Not your same old New Year’s resolution

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Do you ever allow yourself to step back from your life for a little while? I mean really step back. I recall having been on a few retreats in my life—the memories of which are still vivid. But it’s been a very long time. When I heard that friend Leah had been creating her own retreat—without going anywhere—I was intrigued.

I asked her if there were any insights or observations she’d like to share with SWWAN readers about her 3-day hiatus from all electronics and outside communications. Gulp, I started getting a little freaked just thinking about not being able to pick up the phone. Anyway, here’s what Leah Young reports out from her experience:

My 2011 Reboot…
For more than a few years now I have wanted to spend the time between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day in reflection, on retreat.  Up until this year, that yearning had gone unfulfilled, often overtaken with glittery but forced holiday festivities.

This time I decided to seize the opportunity for solitude.
“RETREAT IN SESSION 12/29-1/1.  NO ENTRY.”  The sign I created declared this truth to all who darkened my doorstep during my three day hiatus time.  A few close friends and family had been forewarned that I would not be available.

This was my “me” time, well me and my little four-legged companion that is.  His Royal Highness Prince Jazz never left my side for long.  I successfully managed to maintain my meditations amidst his trying to engage me in some serious play.  He survived my Chakra Toning with several curious glances and failed attempts to get me to cease disturbing his rest with my, uh, noise.

I allowed myself to flow through the time, journaling periodically and taking consistent breaks to move my body to the rhythmic sounds of Mediterranean & Flamenco influenced music.  I accompanied the movement (my iteration of uninhibited dance) with tapping and Tai Chi routines that I’ve learned from my teacher this past year.

No cell phones, landlines, Internet, or texting for 20-22 hours a day.  I did check in with my mother who is travelling and called a friend on her birthday.  No Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

Overall, it was bliss.  I slowed the axis of my world long enough to become clear about my intentions for this newly dawning year and my continued journey of transformation.  No empty resolutions, just clear intention.

  1. I am allowing myself to co-create my life more mindfully.  I will use my words and actions to support my desired end results.  I will waste no time, energy or focus on that which I do not wish to experience.
  2. I forgive myself for all my transgressions & I forgive all others theirs against me.  I move forward open wide to love, joy and peace.
  3. I surrender the how and focus instead on gratitude for all that is mine now.
  4. I will continue to challenge myself to step into and embody the unique gifts divinely bestowed upon me.

In other words, I intend to move forward embracing life with zeal and vigor.  Three short days away from the hustle & bustle allowed me to recharge and reboot.  If you haven’t taken some quiet time for yourself, I encourage you to do so now.  Whether it is an hour, a day, a week or more, YOU are worth every minute.  Happy New Year!

Think about it. What would you do with even one day free of outside “stuff”? Here’s a little retreat checklist from A Woman’s Field Guide on how to craft your  own retreat. Is it harder for a single woman to do this than for a woman in a relationship with a kid or two? What about for single moms? Who knows. There are obstacles for all of us in taking personal time out; it’s a challenge to get past them, perhaps especially the interior, mental barriers we often erect.

I’m scared, but I’m moving this idea up to number one on my to-do list. Thanks, Leah. Happy new year to all.

Leah Young, a relationship expert with more than 20 years experience is the Confidante™ at callaconfidante.com, founder of ClubC4 a community for singles, relationship examiner for the Las Vegas Examiner online and publisher of the LightVision™ Post.  Contact Leah at confidante@callaconfidante.com

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Barbara Payne, January 3rd 2011 | Tags:
Posted in single moms, single mothers, single woman, Uncategorized

Burn away the negative

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The mystery and wonder of fire. Photo supplied by FreeFoto.com

We forget sometimes the unprecedented miracle that occurred when humankind first discovered fire—and learned how to make it and preserve it. What a long way we’ve come today to nuclear power, wireless connectivity and the extraordinary power of the Internet.

But the magic of fire is as mysterious and moving as ever. Meditators recommend gazing at a candle flame to set your mind free of daily disturbances. Working fireplaces command a premium on the housing market—despite our radiators, forced air and electric heat sources, there’s no denying the warmth and comfort a fireplace can bring. Winter solstice celebrations center on using fire to consume the negative things we want to forget about from our past year; acorns represent the great good in store for the year ahead.

As with the winter solstice, fire is an important part of celebrating the new year in many places. In Scotland, where for ancient religious reasons people were for many decades prohibited from celebrating Christmas, they celebrate Hogmanay with fire on new year’s eve.

I got together with another single working woman friend last night and ate hummus and peppers and drank wine while we talked the evening away. We’d already done the fire ceremony on the solstice but we talked about doing the ritual regularly as a way of reminding ourselves to let go of the unwanted.

So whether you went out and partied last night or stayed home—with or without a friend or a fireplace—think how good it will feel to truly release any negative thoughts and energy from this past year. Write those things down on slips of paper, then light a candle and let the fire burn away those thoughts, habits, memories. If you’re wanting to change a habit, make sure you’ve got a different one to put in its place. We are, after all, creatures of habit and if we drop one, there’ll be a big hole in our routine. So better fill it with something better. Naturally, that’s easier said than done. Here’s a cute post from the PsyBlog on how long it takes to form a habit.

Like, let’s see, I spent nearly 30 years doing aerobics almost every morning of the week. In the last 10 months I’ve gotten out of the habit because the chiropractor asked me to stop (we’ve been working on repairing and rejuvenating my body after hip replacement surgery). Hmmm. I’ve got at least 61 days left to get in the habit of my newly allowed exercises…

Here’s a lighthearted bit to usher in the spirit of 2011. Hope it brings a small smile on this first day of what promises to be a momentous new year for you and for me—and the fifth anniversary of SWWAN!

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Barbara Payne, January 1st 2011 | Posted in single woman, single women, Uncategorized