A long-single woman marries…

wedding dress try-on wedding family of 3 wedding Phia behind coupleAttended a wedding yesterday. Outside in the terrace garden of one of the country’s biggest and loveliest conservatories. The previously long-time single bride was gorgeous—of course she’s my daughter, but you be the judge—in her strapless wedding gown composed of layer upon layer of form-fitting ivory chiffon that slid down into a flare and a small train. I didn’t take many photos. Funny, how trying to be in the moment makes taking pictures too much of a diversion. But one I did take clearly shows the friend-professional-photographer doing his job. Good thing people can hire such services—so they can enjoy their own events.

When I look at the few photos I took myself, I’m glad to have caught some of the beauty and a little of the drama of what was going on.  It wasn’t without trepidation the bride had been pondering the loss of her official status as an independent single working woman. Fortunately, the groom has promised faithfully to let her keep her tool belt and fix the toilet and take the garbage out herself any time she wants. And for the almost-eight-year-old daughter of the bride, knowing that a third (male) person will now be part of the family inner circle is a sea change of unknowable immensity.
The bride’s friend performed the beautiful ceremony. Lovely, heartfelt sentiments, including a pledge between the new couple and the little girl. An emotional time for all.
The handsome couple are off to Cancun today. Yep. My daughter’s married. And guess what? Her birthday is August 4…the same day as the official holiday Single Working Women’s Day.

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Single is not the antithesis of married

Boy, I don’t think I’d ever seen the whole movie, Fatal Attraction, until tonight. What a symbolic representation of the way society views the single woman! Alone. Lonely. Desperate. Trying to steal the peace and serenity of the “happily married” couple.

Wait a minute. First of all, the guy decided to have sex with this woman despite his “happily married” state. Then when he was finished, he decided it was inconvenient to know her any longer. The way they get beyond his BS is to make the “other woman” character crazy and obsessive. Interesting how they shift the blame for the situation to the woman rather than the guy who chose to cheat on his spouse.

It’s a really disturbing premise. And after the wonderful interview we had last night with Dr. Karen Gail Lewis (check it out here), I find it even more disturbing to consider the implications of this film. Bless Dr. Karen for helping us raise the consciousness of single, self-supporting, working women in our world today.

Yeah, yeah. Fatal Attraction is “just a story” – but it’s representative of the societal prejudice that shapes and informs our society’s attitude towards single women. The fact is that being single is not the antithesis of being married. It’s a state that doesn’t have to be related to “married” at all. It’s a way of being in the world that denotes nothing except independence. And the problem is that our society considers an independant woman vaguely–and sometimes overwhelmingly–threatening.

Well, everybody might as well get used to it. So far 51% of American women are single. But that number’s growing. Listen to Dr. Karen’s interview last night and you’ll begin to understand why.




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