Where’s the magic?

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Wow. Haven’t written here in a long time. Single Working Women’s Week is upon us again. Have you been treasuring your single women friends? Now’s your chance – Single Working Women’s Week 2023 is in progress! It started Sunday, July 30 and goes through August 5.

Here’s a post I started during last year’s Single Working Women’s Week and, like the memoir/cookbook itself, it feels a bit lost.

“Do you ever find yourself wrestling with some important question in your life – and watch yourself flail around, unable to find the right solution? I have been trying to write my memoir/cookbook for nearly 13 years (stop, start, stop). Have created lots of material, but have not been able to decide how to present it all. I don’t want categories like “Meat” “Vegetables” etc. because that doesn’t honor the memoir/stories. My original working title was “17 Ways to Eat Your Way to Happiness,” so I thought I’d succeeded at last when I decided to divide the material by feelings. Admiration. Aesthetic appreciation. Fear, Satisfaction, etc.

“But one of my beta readers told me in no uncertain terms to get rid of those. So as I was designing the cover I had to fight my brain over the words I would use to describe my book(s) unifying theme. As of today, I’m trying out a time-centered approach, dividing the books by early, middle and why-the-hell-did-the-term-“golden”-ever-get-applied-to-these years.”

But that way of chunking the material doesn’t feel right either. Writing life stories is cathartic. It’s freeing. It’s often of interest to those who know us well. I know there’s some magic in here waiting to be observed and honored. My heart and arms are open. Come on, magic!

Have a wonderful SWWWeek. Be kind to all your single women friends. And to yourself.

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RANT for Single Working Women’s Week, July 31 – August 6, 2022

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Yes, it’s almost time to celebrate the single working women in your life, including you if you’re one. But wait a second.

I need to vent for a minute.

Are you celebrating much these days? Consider this stuff:

Given the above, I want to spend as much time as I can with the people I love. If you saw the movie “Don’t Look Up!” you’ll remember that was the ending. It’s not a great movie, but the conclusion that all we can do is love one another, is a good one. Since we are all going to die one day, sooner or later – even if we manage to reverse course on climate change – we all face the devastating loss of loved ones dying. So having faith in each other and celebrating our loving relationships now seems like the best thing we can do for ourselves and for each other.

Thank heaven we’re still here, single working women and all! So let’s go ahead and celebrate all the relationships we share – with our neighbors, our friends, our SOs, kids and other relatives if we have them. Plan to have fun together as often as you can – in ways that contribute as little as possible to the existing problems. “Be the change you want to see.” ~Ghandi

Thank you for letting me get that out of my system. Thank goodness Congress is today close to enacting a meaningful piece of legislation that addresses many of these pressing issues and is paid for by a significant tightening of tax loopholes for mega-corporations. It’s a small step forward in the long and hard-fought battle that is costing us all too much.

July 31 to August 6, 2022. Happy Single Working Women’s Week!

 

3 secrets to living alone in a pandemic

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Tumult and trauma around the world these days with COVID-19 raging. For many single women and men who don’t have to be out there in frontline jobs (thank you, folks who are), we’re talking alone at home for what we thought would be weeks and now turns out will be months on end. Thank heaven for our technology-assisted telephone and virtual electronic socializing.

How are you coping? Here are a few of my secrets for living alone successfully in a pandemic:

1. Worried about weight gain? Try eating regular doses of bread and pasta. What? Yes, you could’ve knocked me over with a box of spaghetti when I noticed the scale inching down despite not being able to hit the gym. Never expected that.

Normally I try hard not to eat processed carbs, and yet now, doing so seems like an answer to a prayer. Just as I was writing this I relished an afternoon snack of a little chunk of crispy 9-grain garlic bread with creamy melted extra sharp cheddar and some grape tomatoes. Tonight I’m having a big bowl of cavatappi (curly, ridged macaroni-shaped pasta – frankly, I like long noodles better) with jarred marinara sauce (Rao’s works well), speckled with spicy Italian sausage bits, caramelized onions and peppers, and sauteed mushrooms. and frosted with a heap of finely grated imported Parmiggiano-Reggiano. It’s all about balancing your calories and macros (carbs, protein, fat) and tracking your exercise.

2. Position your phone/tablet/laptop or whatever up high enough (a shelf in an open kitchen cabinet works) that you can read free ebooks (Bookbub.com) without bending your neck while you step or march to rockin’ tunes on Pandora. Painless and free way to get your steps in.

3. Play online games with your friends/family. Love that games bring people together without the need to discuss, dissect, dissent, diss or otherwise discombobulate relationships in these fractured times. A friend of mine plays almost every day of the week with her singing group pals multiple rounds of Trivial Pursuit – a game that shows just how pathetically unobservant I am. But a few of us in my family play skribbl.io together each week. One person starts the game, then makes a group call to the rest of us. That’s so we can hear each other laugh at our wonderful drawings and give each other hints (even though that’s not officially allowed). We don’t care about the score. It’s all about laughing and enjoying seeing how others think. Here’s a link to 10 other free online games to consider.

Hope you’re working with a few favorite strategies of your own.

Single Working Women’s Week

If you’re a single working woman, get ready to celebrate your holiday this Sunday August 2 to Saturday, August 8. And there’s also Single Working Women’s Day on August 4. Last year the author of an article talking about this holiday wondered why such a random date for it. I’ll tell you why. The date is the birth date of a particularly vibrant, successful and kind single woman/mother who’s an important part of my life – my younger daughter. Happy upcoming birthday, Perri, and happy Single Working Women’s Day to all you courageous, creative and passionate single women around the world.<

Register to vote. Sign up to vote by mail. And VOTE 2020!!!!

Why Single Working Women’s Week is tied to August 4

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Well, ladies and gentlemen. it’s that time of year again. Single Working Women the world over, hurrah! According to Chase’s Calendar of Events, an entire week is officially dedicated to celebrating the courage and creativity of single working women everywhere. “Single Working Women’s Week” takes place this year between August 4 and August 11 (and every year during the week surrounding August 4).

A few media outlets have asked the question: Why is this holiday connected to August 4? That date, August 4, was designated Single Working Women’s Day because it’s the birthday of the woman who inspired this movement, Perrine Knight – a talented, young woman who bravely faces the challenges of single womanhood – and the even-bigger ones of single motherhood – and who was also the woman to notice that although there are holidays for relationships of all sorts – mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, lovers, bachelor/bachelorettes, brides, grooms, weddings, and wedding anniversaries – nowhere in that long list is anything to celebrate what it takes to live, work and sustain mind, body and heart through life as a woman on one’s own in our society. And that seems an especially egregious omission given the realities of doing so on the generally 1/4 to 1/2 less money many females are paid for their labors.

The unique challenges of single life for a woman tend to be even larger in the realm of human interactions. The glass ceiling in business is still a grim reality, despite some improvement in middle management levels. And despite anti-discrimination laws, which tend to be sidestepped by disguising prejudice as something else, single women are often singled out for less desirable assignments and to endure other subtle forms of injustice. Read specifics on how these types of prejudices manifest themselves in single women’s lives at Psychology Today’s column Living Single by Bella DePaulo, PhD.

Socially, single women tend to be bypassed when coupled colleagues, friends and family get together. Single men usually continue to be invited – friends even work actively to “fix them up” – but single women are often excluded. So the happy single woman finds ways to connect with other single women to enjoy life. Though, of course, she often finds herself in a restaurant being offered the dining table by the kitchen door, or told she must pay 25% to 50% more for the privilege of being a single passenger on, say, a cruise, etc.

So if you have a single working woman friend, consider this holiday your opportunity to appreciate her for all she does. Take her out for a drink and compliment her on her resourcefulness and her guts. Tell her how much you admire her courage. Even better, do a task or an errand for her – although be sure to ask how first, as single working women tend to be fiercely independent and, like many women of all stations, often have very specific ways they want things done!

God willing an’ the creek don’t rise, life is getting a little better for single women. All we can do is keep up the good fight. Time will tell if we’ll be able to make enough more progress to matter for single women, people of color, LGBQT people, and so on before the looming disastrous consequences of global warming make all our questions and struggles around fairness and equality simply moot.

Reflections on single retirement and meeting friends

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Flowers for your single friends – or you!

It’s coming up again: Single Working Women’s Day (August 4) and Single Working Women’s Week (7/30 – 8/5/17). It’s the time of year when we get to buy flowers or gifts or do little favors for the single women we know and appreciate – including ourselves, of course. Thank you to Working Woman Report and to TimeandDate.com for talking up the holiday recently.

Is singleness different when you’re retired? If you’re retired and live alone, whether you’re widowed, divorced or never married, you face unique challenges, yes. But for many of us, being able to choose our activities and allocate our time just as we like can make up for a lot of inconveniences.

Say, for example, you decide to spend an entire day reading – or two days or whatever your heart desires. You don’t have to make excuses or apologies to anyone about it.  What’s it worth to you not to have to worry about offending someone by passing gas or burping? To eat when you feel like it and eat whatever you want without having to explain yourself? To experiment with super-healthy recipes that no one else has any interest in? (If that idea clicks for you, check out this cookbook, Sneaky Blends, that shows you how to up the nutrition in lots of different recipes.)

The most important thing is having at least a couple of sympatico friends who like to go out and do things together once in a while. We humans are social animals, and a workplace always provided an automatic social setting. When we’re retired, we don’t have that setting, but we also don’t lose the wish to socialize. Even for those of us who are semi-loners, occasional companionship colors the world a little brighter. Having someone with whom you can share what your day was like can soothe the spirit.

In some cities, like Cleveland, Ohio, for example, many natives grow up with a ready-made social set – people who went to grade school and high school together tend to stick together throughout their lives. Although I lived there more than 30 years, only one native/local woman ever made even a small attempt to be friends, and she admitted I was the only “outsider” she’d ever socialized with. The rest of the folks I met and/or hung out with were all transplants like myself. Here’s an interesting chat forum on the subject of the “them” vs. “us” mentality in many cities and towns.

How do we meet new friends when we’re getting up there? Well, there’s always Meetup.com. In Chicago and in many cities across the country there’s a “school” for people over 55 called Osher Lifelong Learning Institute. This is a peer-led organization that gets lots of retired (and semi-retired or still working) people – most are 70-ish – coming together in study groups to tackle subjects of mutual interest. The one in downtown Chicago – and in Evanston, too – is housed on Northwestern University’s campus, so there’s not a ton of diversity among the members, but it’s still possible to meet people with the potential to become friends or at least going-out buds.

So consider treating your single women friends somehow during Single Working Women’s Week. It’s a great time to celebrate the joys and challenges of being a single working – or retired – woman.

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Single Working Women’s Day is also National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day

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Just found out. Not only is Single Working Women’s Week going on right now, but Single Working Women’s Day, August 4, is also National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day. What a lucky coincidence that a favorite dessert fits right into the holiday week!

For those who love chocolate chip cookies – and/or the raw dough – what a great way to celebrate with your single women friends. Buy or bake and bring some when you go out or stay in to congratulate each other on your many contributions to the world. And kudos to AMNY for celebrating SWWW!

Meanwhile, DoubleTree Hilton Hotel on the Mag Mile has its own iconic chocolate chip cookie recipe and yesterday on August 4 they were handing cookies out with abandon at Union Station in downtown Chicago. Feathery light, break-apart, feels-fiber-rich cookie. I intended to eat a third. I ate the whole thing. Beware: 310 calories per.

Good chance you’ll get some when you stay at the DoubleTree Hilton next time.

DoubleTree Hilton Hotel hands out cookies at Union Station

DoubleTree Hilton Hotel hands out cookies at Union Station

Copy of Doubletree choc chip2

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Raw power in the wind

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Originally written last fall…

Up early this morning. One of the blessings of being single is that you’re able to get up or sleep or not sleep and read whenever you like without bothering someone else.

Read the weather report–gotta know how to dress–and saw winds of 32 to 37 mph. And the prediction for gusts is 50 to 60. Wow. Looked out the window and, sure enough the trees are, as my dad used to say, “blowin’ like a maniac out there.”

Dimly recall a quote about an evil wind… Look it up. It’s from Shakespeare, from Henry IV, in the part where the hero Falstaff inquires: “What wind blew you hither, Pistol?” and Pistol replies, “Not the ill wind which blows no man to good.

So, let’s see. This is not an evil wind. It’s just a damned powerful one. When I go out today, I’ll certainly form a memory or two of things I see–tree branches falling/fallen, coats and hats and scarves frantically grasping human forms, leaves and papers and signs and empty garbage cans whipping about, little kids scudding along sidewalks faster than they can walk–all at the wind’s bidding. Reminds me of a story, an Aesop’s fable, that impressed me mightily when I was a kid.

The story begins with the Sun and the Wind boasting to each other about their power. (Remember it now?)

The Wind boasts that it is more powerful than the Sun. The Sun, says, no, I am the more powerful. So they make a bet. The Wind points to a man walking down the street below wearing a winter coat. They agree their challenge will be to get the coat off the man.

I, says the Wind, will blow it right off of him. And so he puffs himself up in a rage and begins to blow and to howl. His breath sweeps down and around and blusters something fierce against the man, pushing him and practically knocking him down with his power. But the man shakes and shivers and clutches his coat ever closer.

Finally, the Wind tires of blowing so hard and quits. The Sun smiles. “Now, watch me,” she says to her blustery brother.

The Sun begins to smile. Her golden rays descend and shine on the man in the coat. The sidewalk heats up with the intensity of the Sun’s smile. The street and the trees–and the man–grow warmer and warmer. The Sun keeps smiling quietly. Finally, the man stops, slips out of his coat and hangs it neatly over his arm. He looks around, smiles up into the sky, and continues walking.

Gentle strength wins out over harshness, says Aesop. And thank you to our veterans (Veterans Day was yesterday), without whom we might not have the option of using gentle strength.

Don’t let the Wind get you today. Be your own Sun.

SingleWorkingWomensWeek – July 31 to August 6, 2016

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Yes, it’s that time again. The official holiday week to celebrate the energy and passion and dedication of all single working women. The single working women who earn and bring home the bacon and then cook it, serve it and clean up afterwards. The single working women who come home from work and do all the housework and laundry, care for the pets, and still make time to visit with friends and loved ones.

So this July 31 to August 6, take a single working woman to lunch or dinner. Or take out her garbage. Or run an errand for her. Or ask her just how you can help. She’ll appreciate you thinking of her. Tell her it’s her official week and, if she can manage it, she should take some time off and relax. Everybody else has holidays, right? This week, every year, single women do, too.

Happy Single Working Women’s Week to you and you and you!

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Book reviews: Good books to celebrate Single Working Women’s Week

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Last week was Single Working Women’s Week. In addition to helping out a favorite single mom, this SWWAN was tightly scheduled, what with birthdays and all. Including also reading a new book I agreed to review: Everyday Healing by Janette Hillis-Jaffe. The subtitle is Stand up, Take Charge, and Get Your Health Back…One Day at a Time.

If we substitute “Groove” for “Health,” that sounds like a good prescription for life, too. And one that fits single women to a T. Not everybody has to stand up and take charge quite as vigorously as single women do. But stand up, we do. And take charge, we must. This book chronicles the struggles the author went through to conquer a six-year-long mystery illness that had her severely debilitated and depressed. Despite valiant efforts, doctors weren’t helping her.

Nearly half of Americans struggle with illness—heart disease, diabetes, fibromyalgia, arthritis, cancer and chronic pain, to name a few. One-third of our population is obese. In her book, Hillis-Jaffe provides daily action steps to help eliminate undesirable habits and substitute new paths to health. You get practical tips on a bunch of topics—from how to organize your kitchen to help you cook healthier meals, having tough conversations with an unsupportive friend or lover, to how to fire your doctor—and a plethora of encouraging words on building your confidence that you can recover your health…and your life’s direction if it’s not going where you want it to go.

She recommends doing as much research as you can about your condition, and make it an ongoing project. She talks a lot about getting support from other people—something many of us are not good at. Asking for help is a foreign concept for many single women especially (though most men have a rough time at that, too). She talks about why it’s important and how to do it. And she talks about ways in which these steps have proven their power to change lives. If you’re struggling with an illness or obesity or other persistent health challenge, this book offers food for thought—and ideas for action.

Another book I highly recommend that might well change your life for the better is The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo. The author is a tidying consultant who has helped hundreds of people transform their homes and offices from places of hidden (or obvious) clutter to peaceful, clutter-free environments that promote calmness and clarity. She says that her clients always succeed in staying clutter-free if they follow her plan. She suggests doing it all in one time period, as short as possible, as the only way to make the new way of living stick. One of her most amazing tips is to store everything vertically—no piles of clothes, papers or stuff allowed anywhere. Even clothes and socks, she says, should be folded and stored standing up. I haven’t yet undertaken her whole program, but I used this simple trick to transform my sock drawer—a drawer that had been driving me crazy for months because it was so packed and I didn’t know what all was in there. Now it’s neatly organized, and I know exactly how many (don’t ask!) pairs of trouser socks and gym socks I actually have.

If you’re someone who buys more of a thing because you don’t really know how many you have, only to find you’ve duplicated your purchase (again), you will be amazed at Kondo’s simple plans. And remember her strong advice: don’t start storing until you’ve gone through every piece in a category and ruthlessly discarded anything that does not spark joy. Read the book. It’s fun and it’s enlightening.

If you thought your vote didn’t count…

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A new source of in-depth data and analysis about unmarried women and what’s known as the “Rising American Electorate” is now available at Voter Participation Data Center. It’s interesting and puzzling to see from the graphic (below) that so many single women did not vote—even ones who were registered—in recent elections. What’s up with that?

 

There are 57 million unmarried women in America today—and by the time the 2016 election rolls around, they’ll be a majority of voting-eligible women. The Voter Participation Data Center aggregates research on the social, economic, and political lives of unmarried women, giving a complete picture of the ways in which they’ll shape our economy and our policies in the decades to come. It’s got demographic and economic profiles of unmarried women and analysis on the recent legal and electoral developments that most affect the lives of unmarried women—including paid sick leave, equal pay, workplace fairness, and the Affordable Care Act.

 

The Voter Participation Data Center puts out all this data in the form of shareable graphics that encapsulate it in a quickly-readable and easily-digestible form, making it easy for you to make your friends, family, and political leaders aware of how important unmarried women are going to be in the coming decades—and how important it’ll be for political leaders to speak to their needs and concerns.

 

Registration and Voting Rates in 2012
Voter Participation Data Center is intended to serve as a one-stop shop for anyone interested in understanding unmarried women—who, along with people of color and millennials, form the Rising American Electorate who may cast a majority of the votes in 2016.

 

Just in time for Single Working Women’s Week this August 2 through 8, 2015.