Inspiration for women in abusive relationships

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It’s often not a simple matter to change things—or get out—when you’re in a relationship that hurts you in some way. But listening to other women offer encouraging words can be a powerful way to help yourself.  The Internet can be a source of help for women all over the world.

A SWWAN partner, 1000 Women Can Change the World, has started a new website where you can download recordings made by women who’ve been there, women who know how you feel–who “get” what you’re going through.

You’ll be safe looking at the material—it won’t show up in your Internet history—and there’s even a “quick escape” button you can use in case you need to close the window fast.

It’s sad to think of having to hide what you do. And even sadder to think you might have to go through another holiday season feeling that way. Take a look and be inspired.

I hope your Thanksgiving was warm and full of love and kindness and good food. If it wasn’t, we hope to be a source of comfort and inspiration in the year to come and beyond.

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Barbara Payne, November 29th 2009 | Tags:
Posted in abusive relationships

Bed sheets and procrastination cogitation

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Ever feel like you just can’t find the oomph to do something new? Or to take the next step on a project that’s been hanging over your head for weeks or months? Writer‘s block is like that. You know perfectly well there are a million things you want to say, and yet when you think about going to your blog, you decide there are 50 other things you have to do that are more urgent.

A typical single working woman’s Sunday: Make a deposit, update your records, wash and change the bed sheets,Clean bed sheets can be an accomplishment
take out the garbage, pack up and take out the recyclables, make a pot of soup, pet your dog/cat/rabbit, go to the grocery store, return books to the library, get the car washed, count the loose change in your purse and do something with it, record your receipts, pick up the clothes in the bathroom, and…well, you get the idea.

Some folks say if you just start writing–don’t think about what you’re going to say–you can get the juices flowing that way. Last week my sister, a professional paralegal, agreed to come over and help me get rolling to complete the application to the IRS for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt status for the SWWAN Foundation–a project that’s been sitting there for months in varying states of forward movement. We made good progress ’til our brother arrived and it was time to have a glass of wine and cook supper. Guess what? Still got a few sections to go.

Ah, well. Just think. There are days when I might have been going through personal email all morning instead of doing all those chores I got done today (well, almost all of them). So it seems that, in fact, one day’s procrastination is often another day’s accomplishment.

It’s all in how you look at it.

Image credit: Wikipedia

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Barbara Payne, November 15th 2009 | Tags: , , , ,
Posted in multitasking, procrastination, Uncategorized

Finding joy: go around the boulder

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“When you realize how perfect everything is you will
tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.”

– Buddha

Got this gem from my HearthMath quote of the day list. Can’t you just picture the Buddha sitting there with his twinkling eyes and big round stomach (I love the laughing Buddha carvings), encouraging us to laugh with him at our own foibles and the absurdities of this life? When I was a kid and got angry about something bad that I was sure wasn’t right, I often used to choke out the words, “It’s not fair!” through my tears and frustration. And my mom would whirl around, angry herself then, and hiss back at me, “Who told you life was fair?” My mom and dad, like so many in the world, had more than their share of unfair things happen to them–from dysfunctional parents, stays in orphanages, and grinding Depression poverty, to losing a beloved first son and killing to keep from being killed in World War II.

I didn’t get it then. Didn’t really know what she meant. I’ve learned since then, of course, but I can imagine how much quicker and easier the lesson would have been if we’d both known about Buddha’s philosophy and been able to take his words to heart. How do we turn tragedy into laughter?

Today, when things aren’t fair, I don’t like it any better than I did as a kid. But I’ve come to accept that this is the way life and people can be. It’s like in the little kids’ Nick, Jr. show where Moose’s friend, the blue bird Zee, is in a race and arrives at a big boulder in the path. And Moose asks the kids watching, well, should Zee go AROUND the boulder or try to go under it?

If we accept that boulders are simply part of life, we learn to use our creativity to go around them and get back on path. If we accept that we might not even finish a race, we can still choose to do the best possible job—and enjoy the work we do. If we believe that everything is perfect as it is, we can find reasons to laugh at the sky even when things are at their blackest. Whether it’s a rotten economy, an abusive relationship, a crappy job, or a serious health challenge, all we need to do is come up with Plan B and Plan C—and even with the worst case senario—and we will always be ready to find the positive.

And when single working women reach out to support each other, we get an extra layer of cushioning to help us feel the joy.

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Barbara Payne, November 4th 2009 | Tags:
Posted in abusive relationships, down economy, single women, single working women, single working women and the economy