Tonight! Living single: A prolonged state of waiting–or an empowered life choice?

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I’m excited. Tune in tonight and hear Leah Young of WLoVE (Women Living on the Verge of Evolution) interview me and Dr. Karen Gail Lewis–the wonderful clinical expert who specializes in helping single women feel empowered–and encouraging single women who already feel that way!

We’ll be talking about the realities and the myths surrounding the lives of single women in today’s society. Dr. Lewis has some great ideas on the 6 or 7 absolutely essential things to make sure your life is as full of love and intimacy as any human being could want–and not one of them is about waiting for something outside yourself to happen!04 x10K_ IMG_7975
Creative Commons License photo credit: egor.gribanov
Creative Commons License photo credit: egor.gribanov
Creative Commons License photo credit: gcoldironjr2003

Register here for the call-in information: http://www.1automationwiz.com/app/?af=1197554 It’s a phone/web simulcast at 8 pm CT/9ET.

WLoVE is solace and inspiration for every woman

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“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”- Plato
I noticed this quote in my email one morning, not only because it’s a very wise insight into human behavior, but also because it was written long before the politically correct era of non-sexist language. That is, only adult men are mentioned, and while Plato may have meant both sexes, many of us have grown used to being surprised when women are conspicuously left out.
Now Plato’s a guy for whom I have the highest regard, for I understand he is supposed to have said way back in 370-something BC, “If woman should ever become man’s equal, she will quickly become his superior.”  Quite an observer from more than 2000 years ago.
Afraid of the light. Perhaps he was referring to the fact that we human beings tend to be afraid of success, afraid of our own capabilities…or perhaps he meant we are afraid of learning too much and having to change our comfortable beliefs. Maybe all of the above.
With all the books and videos and so on out today about getting in touch with our inner strength, about finding our direct connection to God (the Higher Power, the Greater Good) within, it’s not surprising that we might be afraid of the  light. Be afraid that those who talk about making the connection know some secret that we’ll never be privy to. That we aren’t that “special” to be able to feel that connection.
Well, here’s a chance to hear much more about your personal specialness. It's all about unfolding as you are.SWWAN is participating in a wonderful conference this year called Women Living on the Verge of Evolution. You can attend a weekly 60 to 90-minute telephone session and hear about the personal journeys and the amazing discoveries being made by some talented but very human women. These women are doctors, lawyers, marketing professionals, coaches, yoga experts and more. Some started out in one career and completely changed over after a life-defining realization.
In any case, they each have words of encouragement and inspiration for anyone who comes to listen. It’s a little like I always think about going to church–letting myself be called to my higher self for a while, pulling away from the daily grind, the constant tasks and duties of my single working woman’s life. It’s good for the soul. Balm to the spirit. Food for the hungry heart.
Listen to last night’s interchange with Dr. Barbara Trautlein on the topic of Women’s Power at Work. And mark your calendar for the next few Thursdays. In fact, I’ll be speaking next Thursday at 8 pm CT. The subject is: “Being Single: A prolonged state of waiting–or an empowered life choice?”
And to wind up the series, there’s an international convocation in Las Vegas coming up. Check out the special deals on registration and hotel prices: 21-day special of $210 for 1 attendee and $397 for 2 to attend the 3-day Convocation here in Las Vegas.  The hotel is $59 per night and the rooms are 1-bedroom suites newly renovated in a non-gaming hotel.

Women: leaders of the new age

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Have been hiding under my shell somewhat lately. Just too much going on in my life. My apologies. But we have some wonderful news for SWWANs of all ages and positions in life and work.

You now have an opportunity to participate–and no charge–in an 8-week series of telephone interviews with some amazingly powerful women. The group we’re partnering with is “Women Living on the Verge of Evolution.” And the topics are all about the power and impact of women on today’s world.

Last week I attended the session with Etta D. Jackson. I was impressed with her deep understanding of the inner meaning of life on many planes and dimensions. She has the real-world credentials of course—a B.A. in Biology and two M.S. degrees: one in Psychoanalytic Counseling and Development and the other in Administrative Leadership and Supervision, and she’s a Licensed Psychotherapist—but it was her confident grasp of the importance of the changing role of women in our universe that most impressed me.

Etta has written three books:
-Understanding Your Choice
-Unveiling the Secrets of the Feminine Principle
-The Role of Consciousness in Governance

They say about her: “She has always known on the deepest levels of her being the Oneness of all life, and that all differences are only parts of the One Unifying Whole. She shares with you in her books the fact that Man is, in fact, the great mystery that he has been searching for; and that in knowing himself he comes to know God. It is her firm belief that Man’s primary purpose on Earth is to answer the deep questions that lead to a knowledge of himself. And in this knowing all separation ends and he comes to know his true relationship to God and his fellowman.

In addition to all this, she’s a mom and a grandmother. So she’s mired in the real world, too. She is just one of the powerful women who will be presenting at the International Convocation in Las Vegas, Thursday, September 16 through Saturday, September 18. Hotel specials, etc. Mark your calendar!!

Tonight we’re going to learn more about how to tap into our greatest inner resources. Valencia Ray, MD (called the Confidence Doc) will explain:

  • Why we tend to lose touch with our authentic hopes, dreams and aspirations so that you can begin to take steps to find your way back to them
  • How we come to define ourselves and the science behind this process, so that you can begin to rewire your self-image to one that serves you now
  • Recognize some commonly held myths that can block you from expanding the vision for your life and begin to take the actions that can create a new vision for your life so that you can let your light shine and live more authentically

This is great stuff. If you want to get the notices for each week’s session, visit the WomenLivingontheVergeofEvolution website and sign up.

Oh, and by the way, I will be speaking at a conference session during Single Working Women’s Week (Aug 1-7, 2010). Mark your calendar for Thursday, August 4, at 8 pm CT (6 pm PT, 9 pm ET). I’m working on the agenda now. If you have any ideas of things you’d like to talk about, please email me at barbara dot payne at swwan dot org.

Looking forward to celebrating the fourth annual Single Working Women’s Week with all of you.

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Single life – what’s it like for you?

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Greetings, SWWAN readers. My apologies for having been away so long. It has been a time of great upheaval and change for me. Now that things have died down to a smaller roar, I’m eager to get back to writing about the wonders of single life.

It has been clear as we’ve grown the numbers of members and readers that we have single women from a multitude of different circumstances. And for most of us, one strong certain common bond is being single in today’s couples-oriented U.S. society. But we also have members from countries as far away as China, Australia, Africa, England and more. It seems likely they must face some of the same issues and that’s why they were attracted to SWWAN.

Interestingly, we had one reader unsubscribe last year because she said, “I’m over 70, employed part-time and taking care of my aged mother. I haven’t read anything here that relates to my situation.” So I guess for her, it wasn’t so much about being single but about the other aspects of her life that she wanted to hear/talk about.

Some SWWANs moms have jobs.  Some are self-employed. Some are ever-single and some are divorced. Some are 40-somethings or baby boomers and older, and some are late 20s or 30-somethings. Some are single moms and some are great aunts or only adult children. The overriding reason SWWAN came into existence was to honor the specific experiences of being a single working woman—the joys, fears, burdens, the struggle and the exhilaration of facing life with mainly only yourself to count on.  It’s an experience that no one can relate to if they haven’t lived it. And many who did live it but have gone on to other circumstances quickly forget the intensity of the single life.

We set SWWAN up originally to do many things, including awarding points for single-life milestones and to collect and eventually publish stories from our readers. We haven’t had the staff and the bandwidth to do all that we wanted. But now I’d like to ask our members and readers to weigh in on what single life is like for you—and the things you’d most like to see us set as goals. I’ll create a short survey and send a link out in the next week or two. Looking forward to hearing from all of you!

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My Review of Newton Desk Espresso

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Originally submitted at Cost Plus World Market

Our Newton Desk crams loads of style into a compact space, making it easier than ever to organize even the tiniest home office. Perfect for small spaces like studio apartments or dorm rooms. A keyboard drawer slides out of sight when not in use. Rich espresso finish gives an upscale look.


Compact, attractive

By rgfwriter from Chicago, IL on 4/24/2010

 

4out of 5

Pros: Comfortable, Attractive, Ergonomic

Cons: Drawer a bit unstable

Best Uses: Small Rooms

Describe Yourself: Budget Shopper

I Am A: Single Female

Needed something small yet nice looking. I had help assembling, but probably could have done it alone. All you need to do is attach the four legs–the drawer slides in. I like the desk. Only criticism is that the drawer tends to wobble unevenly if you happen to hit it a bit off-center when you push it in. Like the dark espresso color. I put a desk mat on it, so I don’t know if the wood might dent with heavy writing strokes. I really like the fact that the drawer front folds up and hides the keyboard and mouse. Quite happy with my purchase.

(legalese)

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Tired of struggling with technology? I’ve been trying to figure out how to cell phonesemail posts from my cell phone to the SWWAN blog since I put it on WordPress, and I just keep getting sidetracked because it seems so complicated. It’s frustrating and kind of embarrassing, since I’m normally pretty with it with technology. Could have something to do with the fact that I’ve just completed a full purge of my household and a move into what I hope will be my last home.

Did you ever keep putting some project off because it required too much prep work? Feel. Overwhelmed when facing some task? What do you do? Sometimes I enlist help–a friend or relative perhaps. When I was married, of course, I’d want to hire someone, but my husband would say he’d do the things I felt too challenged by. But guess what? A lot of times he’d procrastinate worse than I did. I couldn’t figure out why someone would say, no, don’t hire someone,  I can do that and then not do it. When I asked my father about it, he surprised me by suggesting that maybe he just didn’t know how to do it. And here I thought he was doing it to annoy me, and all those times it may have been because he couldn’t admit his ignorance.

Surprisingly sometimes—when it’s over and I’ve got the thing done—it turns out not to have been as complex as I thought it would be. And then I’m sorry I resisted. But mostly I’m just really glad it’s done.

I’m typing this with two thumbs on my tiny cell phone keyboard. Now, if only I knew how to email it to the blog instead of emailing it to myself and then having to transfer it…

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Reflections: end of year clearing out

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Wow. The end of a year full of challenges and changes. How’s yours been? Business has been suffering for lots of folks lately. Surprisingly, many married folks I know this year asked their spouses to go out and earn some extra income. No second earner can be a definite disadvantage to being single when times are tough!

But I’ve learned to cut down (well, some) on the drama surrounding challenges. Getting older is leading me to get quite philosophical about both the passing of time and the shifting in my various worlds. No matter what’s happening–health, finance, family–it feels like just another day…and yet each day seems more precious than it used to be.

house_cleaningDoing a thorough clearing out of my possessions. It’s feeling good to lighten up my life. Gave some of my good things to family for Christmas–that was fun. The pundits say that we must clear out the old in order to let new good things come into our lives.

Come on, Good! I’m making lots of room.

My best wishes to all single working women and everyone for a blessedly peaceful and prosperous new year.

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Single women at Christmas

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300px-JChristmas_painting

Here's to hearing angels on high all year long

Single women have pretty much the same array of choices for spending Christmas day as non-singles. Some will spend it with family, some with friends, some alone (e.g., the non-single woman who is estranged or separated from her mate—or wishes she was). Some will get Chinese food and see a movie, some will rest and read, some will clean or perform other chores.  Some will volunteer at soup kitchens. Some will exercise their creativity—cook, write, paint, play music.

Some, like me, will hang out with their grandchildren and see Christmas again through the eyes of the child. Some of us have spent hours planning, shopping, and wrapping. Some have foregone this practice and decided just to share themselves in some way.

Some of us, like me, who are moving, may be practicing the art of letting go—there’s a joy in releasing stuff to do good elsewhere in the universe. I’m pleased that I can give some of my treasured things to my family members this year. This Christmas I decided to do a little of each: “shopping” from my own possessions, wrapping, and writing about my move within Chicago.

Whatever you’re doing this year, try spending a few minutes every hour just stopping and feeling your feelings. Regard them with respect and tenderness. Send love and appreciation to yourself for all that you do, for all that you share with others, and for all you contribute to the world around you. And while you’re doing that, be sure to express your love to people and send appreciation out to all those who touch your  life.

Merry, merry Christmas to all the wonderful single women in the world. Extra good wishes to all the single mothers who work so hard to make Christmas special for their kids.

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On living sparely yet generously

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I’m moving in a few weeks. In preparation I’ve been sifting through my accumulated stuff. Interesting what I thought was essential when I downsized to move to my Chicago condo. Now I’m turning my heart and mind to starting a new, modified-minimalist approach to living–i.e., stop holding onto so many objects.

One nice part of this process is being able to choose things from among my Christmas candles and cookiessurroundings that I think my family members might enjoy having. Haven’t wrapped this many Christmas presents in a long time.

My daughter points out to me that it’s nice to live so that you have absolutely anything and everything you could possibly need should you decide one day to repair an appliance, wrap a massive package, or create a special gourmet dinner that requires an unusual herb or spice. Being able to be creative at will, without having to go to the store to buy items, has been fun all these years. But the fact is, the closer you live to the center of a great metropolis, the less space you get for the same money.

Now, as I read recently in Frenchwomen Don’t Get Fat, there is beauty in planning what you will eat for only a day or two and walking to the store to buy just what you need. There is luxury in making and enjoying a very small serving of any wonderful dish that strikes your fancy–including those with such rich and decadent ingredients as heavy cream and dark chocolate.

In my current Chicago neighborhood I can walk to two different grocery stores, but neither one of them carries even slightly exotic or unusual items. I can’t get, for example, leeks at either place. Even something as basic as basil isn’t a staple in Hispanic groceries.

The new neighborhood, Lakeview, while it doesn’t have a reasonably priced grocery store in walking distance has dozens of other places to get what you need. I look forward to exploring it.

But most of all, I look forward to living even more in the moment. Like the Japanese who make a prayer out of making and serving tea, I will try to  complete the steps to each task with full attention and appreciation. From walking through a snowstorm to the store, to riding the bus through Lincoln Park to downtown, to lighting candles and gazing out my new windows down the lovely street where I had my first apartment at age 19, I relish the chance to practice living my life sparely yet generously.

May your thoughts be warm and your heart full of love this blessed Christmas week.

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Bed sheets and procrastination cogitation

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Ever feel like you just can’t find the oomph to do something new? Or to take the next step on a project that’s been hanging over your head for weeks or months? Writer‘s block is like that. You know perfectly well there are a million things you want to say, and yet when you think about going to your blog, you decide there are 50 other things you have to do that are more urgent.

A typical single working woman’s Sunday: Make a deposit, update your records, wash and change the bed sheets,Clean bed sheets can be an accomplishment
take out the garbage, pack up and take out the recyclables, make a pot of soup, pet your dog/cat/rabbit, go to the grocery store, return books to the library, get the car washed, count the loose change in your purse and do something with it, record your receipts, pick up the clothes in the bathroom, and…well, you get the idea.

Some folks say if you just start writing–don’t think about what you’re going to say–you can get the juices flowing that way. Last week my sister, a professional paralegal, agreed to come over and help me get rolling to complete the application to the IRS for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt status for the SWWAN Foundation–a project that’s been sitting there for months in varying states of forward movement. We made good progress ’til our brother arrived and it was time to have a glass of wine and cook supper. Guess what? Still got a few sections to go.

Ah, well. Just think. There are days when I might have been going through personal email all morning instead of doing all those chores I got done today (well, almost all of them). So it seems that, in fact, one day’s procrastination is often another day’s accomplishment.

It’s all in how you look at it.

Image credit: Wikipedia

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