Single Working Womens Week – SWWAN

Saw this gem of a made-for-cable movie Tuesday night. William H. Macy plays Bill Porter, a guy with cerebral palsy, whose mother believes unquestioningly in his ability to do whatever he wants. The story chronicles his career as a door to door salesman–and the profound effects he has on those he comes in touch with. Five stars for tender, tough and true human relationships.

This message may resonate with many single working women. Thanks to the Chicago Foundation for Women for sharing this important information.

Since 1996, the federal government has poured more than $1.5 billion into abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. In 2008 alone, it was $178 million.

President Obama is putting together his proposed budget for 2010, and as he has assured the nation he will be on the lookout for failed programs that deserve to be eliminated. We have an easy cut to suggest: End federal funding for the failed abstinence-only-until-marriage experiment.

Here are some facts for free: Research proves these programs don’t work. The programs prohibit teachers from discussing contraception, except to describe their failure rates. The lesson plans frequently teach young people sexist gender stereotypes and medically inaccurate information.

When should you act? Today.
By the end of February, President Obama plans to send his 2010 budget to Congress.

What can you do? Click here to email the White House now. http://capwiz.com/cfw/issues/alert/?alertid=12722606&external_id=10163.-1757079

A ritual visit to the top of the John Hancock tower with two single women friends was a chance to talk about the positive energy that 2009 is already calling forth. New business and job opportunities, new and closer friendships, exciting ideas about living arrangements, and new understandings about existing relationships. And a profound shift in American leadership promises who-knows-what.

How is the new year energy manifesting in your life?

Got my fresh pine greens delivered with the groceries today. Brought up the little fake Christmas tree from storage and cleaned up the last of the plant stuff from the deck.

i'm ready now, both for winter and for the Christmas season. But being ready is more about emotional grounding in gratitude than about physical stuff. Yet tradition and symbols can be powerful incentives to having the right frame of mind.

Seems like Thanksgiving is a great groundbreaker for the rest of the holiday season. Just celebrating our bounty, welcoming those who don't have formal plans but want to share, preparing our hearts for feeling and expressing the love in our hearts perhaps a bit more openly than usual.

What do you do for Thanksgiving? Do you share with friends? Or are most of your friends busy with family? What about a single working woman (or anyone for that matter) who doesn't have family?

Having had a very challenging year this 2008, I found myself crying deeply the first few times I heard Christmas songs on the radio. Seems my heart is pretty grateful to be here and celebrating this beautiful time of year. I hope yours is, too.

Paul Newman is great as the slightly dangerous outsider trying to seduce the cool-as-a-cucumber Joanne Woodward in The Long, Hot Summer. Tennessee Williams knew how to show the truth of family and intimate relationships.

<BR><BR>Amazing to see the overwhelming, rich father trying to direct people's lives–especially forcing his "spinster" daughter to marry the outsider because he wants sons. Extraordinary to think of how many women's lives were at the mercy of the societal mores.

I'm reminded of a South American movie I saw once (got it out of the library) in which the father of his single daughter says to his friend, "Single women represent chaos. They belong only in a nunnery or in a marriage."

<BR><BR>Well, society is changing. With 51% of American women single today, we have to re-examine the meaning of being single.

It's like 3 o'clock in the morning. I just sent chatty emails to several friends who'd called yesterday. Does this ever happen to you? I hear from many women over 50 that waking in the middle of the night and being unable to get back to sleep for a couple of hours is not unusual.

And now I'm sitting here writing to the SWWAN blog (from my cell phone because I have a cool portable keyboard I use with it). I don't really want to sit at the computer because I'll get caught up in cleaning out the inbox which will lead to doing all kinds of things–some interesting and some just chores).

Talked to a single woman friend–a SWWAN founding member–last evening about her new business venture. We talked about how tough it can be to be completely on your own–no backup physical, financial or emotional support. It's certainly what makes SWWANs so strong and so creative. When you have limited resources, of necessity you have to be inventive to accomplish your goals.

Remember the line from the movie, When Harry Met Sally? Sally's long-time single friend says to her new fiance, "Promise me I'll never have to be out there again." That's what early love can feel like–a protective cocoon. You feel safe and shielded, or at least not alone in facing life's ups and downs. And having been married for 18 years (divorced now for 25), I can say even when a marriage is not happy, you still have a certain feeling of being protected. There's at least the illusion of security in marriage–even though it can sometimes only be maintained at a huge price. For many divorced SWWANs and an increasing number of ever-single SWWANs, the price was or is too high–in terms of personal autonomy, self-respect, or freedom to grow and be your best self.

The percentages of people marrying has been steadily declining in every state In the U.S. for the past several decades.

Wonder if the pendulum will ever swing back the other way? And what would have to happen to make it so?

We love what Bella DePaulo is doing to fight the stereotypes assigned to single people, especially women. We’ve reviewed her book here and interviewed her for the SWWAN Dive radio show. Her scientific research is invaluable to the cause of SWWAN.

Now you have a chance to tune in to her Psychology Today blog and help her create a new way to help society recognize and get past its hangups about single women. Check it out and see if you can think of some entertaining questions for her new idea: The New SAT – Singles Aptitude Test

Do you ever wake up at 3:30 or 4 in the morning and can't get back to sleep? What do you do when the 4-am-eyes-wide-open-can't-find-a-relaxed-way-to-hold-your-legs times hit?

Do you wonder about a dream you just had? Or start worrying about a work issue, or maybe a personal relationship with a friend or family member? Or maybe, since you're faced with all this empty time before you have to get up and get started, you do all of those, cycling through them one by one.

This early-morning wakefulness seems to start happening more often as we grow older. Maybe we don't need as much sleep, but I know I always feel an odd sense of comfort when the subject comes up and someone else admits it happens to them, too.

At 4 am you can wonder about how the birds get started so early. You can examine your thoughts and get some distance from them–more easily, it seems, than when you're wakeful at midnight or 2 am. But then again, I'm a morning person. Maybe it's the opposite for night people.

Or maybe, if you like to write, you write in your journal or your blog. And hope what you're writing will still make sense when the sun comes up.

Tips for beginners: Do a public relations audit–strengths, etc. Establish your brand! Develop tightly focused key messages. First job is to create relationships, then to communicate.

Try sending editors op-ed pieces, especially for news-related stories. Tell a story!