Single Working Womens Week – SWWAN

It happened today. My one-month-old granddaughter studied my face intently this morning–and a tiny little smile crept slowly across her lips.

Now I've seen those digestive-issue-induced smiles of hers–and let me tell you they'll charm the hell out of you, too. But this…this one looked like the real thing…the dawn of personal communication between me and that little girl.

Is there anything more thrilling than to feel that you have truly been seen by another human being? Not just looked at, or ogled (and we all know how much fun that can be when the mood is right), or looked through. No, I mean truly seen–genuinely recognized as the wondrous spirit you are.

That's how it feels when a baby smiles at you. As if all the good you've ever done is who you really are. And when it's a baby's smile, you know it has the whole universe of good and innocence in it.

What an incredible way to start the day. Go find yourself a baby… Or why not just practice seeing other people that way–then flash 'em your killer smile. You'll tranform their day–and brighten your own immeasurably.

Not perfect. Not remotely. But she was a mom full of love and wisdom hard-won through years of struggle and change. And Roseanne did the world a huge favor by creating a television family that over the years tackled every one of the really tough issues in life with real heart and soul–and made you split your sides laughing about them. Here’s what Roseanne, now 54, says about shared parenting: “It’s great if you have a father or husband who takes on 50 percent of the load — but then you’re way ahead of most women on earth.” Don’t single working moms know.

Thanks, Roseanne, for your razor wit and your giant heart and all the hard work you put into giving the world one of the most real television comedies ever created.

Sororities are the traditional place for young women in college to develop strong, long-last bonds with other women. The appeal is being young and working on your college degree together. But nowadays, an increasing number of women attending college have already given birth to one or more children. Their lives are not exactly conducive to the partying normally associated with college sororities. Especially if they are single moms without a partner to give extra help and support.

So on a few campuses some enterprising single women have founded sororities specifically for campus-going moms. A great idea, ladies. Now maybe we can borrow this model to create other bonding groups for single moms–surely one of the most blessed and challenged groups of people in the world!

More men are signing up for jobs as male nannies, or “mannies,” according to this story in Australia. It says “Mannies are huge in the U.S….” Well, a little checking–namely a Google search on “male nannies”–yields a bunch of entries, mainly from the UK and Australia, that more debate than confirm that statement. The exception may be that a few high-profile movie stars have hired males to help care for their kids.

Concern is natural in this area, just as it has always been with the idea of male babysitters. As long as the preponderance of sexual abuse continues to be found among males (yes, females are known to do so, but at a generally much lower rate), most single moms (and married moms for that matter) will choose not to put their children in the charge of an outside male, possible exceptions being for time-limited, specific activities.

This from a witty SWWAN member named Perri who’s six months along in her single-mother, poor-sleep pregnancy and who found that her new condo was previously (and still) occupied by an extensive family of mice:

“Ok, I was so desperately tired yesterday again I thought I would die. I struggled till 10, took some Tylenol and went to bed. Fell asleep immediately. By 2 am I was awake, 2:30 I got up, took a TYLENOL PM even, drank some water and laid down again. I didn’t really sleep again. Then I got up this morning to find that my resident mouse had staggered into the middle of my kitchen floor in his death throes and died, thus giving me the equivalent of a little mouse middle finger.

Apparently they are smart enough to avoid every trap made but not smart enough not to eat the poison I put out. BUT, by everyone’s account–including the poison maker’s–they’re supposed to go home to die, not make political statements by dying in the middle of one’s kitchen floor.

I hope he was the ballsy one, because now I am scared to death that his mouse friends are going to follow his example. And if they die in the open when I’m not there and my children [her two big dogs] get to them, they’ll be poisoned! Oy. But, I have made a lot of progress on my registry, I did a lot yesterday afternoon because I was too tired to work.

I guess the secret is that I needs lots of three hour naps instead of trying to sleep in one big block of time.”

Now that’s telling it like it is.

The U.S. has zero government assistance for child care for the average working woman, whether married or single. This detailed accounting of the child-care situation in Germany–and the concommitant situation of working women there–gives an interesting contrast, including the fact that Germans have come to believe that all children should be eligible for state-supported child care at age 3. Sadly, facilities are so limited that only 7% of women can find such a place for their child. And now they’re looking into whether they ought to consider providing state care for kids under 3.

And listen to this–women can take THREE YEARS off for child rearing and still be able to return to the same company. That certainly has pluses for the woman and child, but it looks like mostly minuses for the company.

Interesting statistics on German working women: 28% of German entrepreneurs are female; 40% of German college-educated women are childless (they don’t say, but it could be many of these are young women not yet married and/or choosing to have children). Not surprisingly, Germany has the same conspicuous absence of women in boardrooms despite a strong presence (47% in private industry) among middle managers and 24% in “senior” (undefined) management.

Sleeplessness is now strongly implicated in any person’s ongoing mental state. In the case of single working women–and adding college or new motherhood into the mix greatly magnifies the problem–it’s not news to them how profoundly their not-enough-time and lack-of-sleep challenges affect them.

Now Wharton School reports that a bunch of researchers conducted tests that led them to conclude that both positive and negative moods affect employee productivity, but that positive moods are more potent. And then, dig this: “the mood you bring with you to work has a stronger effect on the day’s mood–and on work performance–than mood changes caused by events in the workplace.”

As science grows more sophisticated, fewer areas of life are immune from the understanding that our lives are a holistic continuum. As a business owner or teacher or manager you can choose to ignore what’s going on in the rest of a person’s life, but you risk regularly receiving less than that person’s best performance.

They say that acknowledging a problem is the first step to solving it. Recognizing the damage that chronic sleep deprivation and stress can do–and how the results can affect a person’s ability to do her very best in her work–could be the beginning of a trend towards imagining some better ways.

The chain of vendors offering discounts that SWWAN is building is one tiny step towards helping the financial challenges. Anything, for instance, that enlightened employers can do about allowing people to take real breaks when they need them–to lie down or even just to sit with their eyes closed in a quiet place for 10 or 15 minutes–would benefit exhausted working women as well as everyone else in the workplace. Need a guide? Study the most successful technology companies: foosball tables, darkened rooms with couches, employees freely exchanging ideas, vendors occasionally coming to give chair massages. Consider providing things that show respect for the employee as a whole person.

Talk about belaboring the obvious… The National Sleep Foundation reports 72% of working mothers and 68% of single working women (the highest groups among women) feel sleepy during the day and have sleeping problems at night. Perhaps they didn’t want to belabor it any further by studying single working mothers as a separate group?…

Conducting a study to find out that single working women and working mothers are sleepy feels like spending money to research whether dogs have tails. Wouldn’t it be nice if we found something more useful to study, like here are some ways we can make women’s lives a little easier. Here are some ways we can recognize women for all that they do. Here are some ways we can help ease the financial and time burdens on those who are the sole support of their households.

Well, one day we will. But for now, ladies, we applaud you for your courage, your commitment, and your creativity in making your lives–and the lives of your families–work.

Oh, yes, this is a great way to get teenage boys to buy your gamiing magazine (and undoubtedly the grown men who spend time at this pursuit). And where do you think I saw this? On the shelves of the local smut peddler’s store? No, no. This is on child’s-eye-level on the teens’ shelf in the Logan Square branch of the Chicago Public Library. Oh, yeah, we’ve still got a long way to go.

I have a Google news alert set for “single working mother,” and I’ve noticed there seem to be a higher number of stories/article from the UK than from the U.S. This one, about the cost of living vis-a-vis women/mothers working, is interesting–but the comments from the many readers are fascinating. They represent a comprehensive overview of all the possible opinions (and justifications for them) that anyone could have.

Housing costs–outrageous in the U.K. Wages. Taxes. Legal issues. State-provided benefits. If you’re curious about how things are different for working women/mothers in the UK than they are in the U.S. and you’ve got half an hour, sit down and read.