Celebrate Single Working Women’s Week and SWW Day August 4, 2014

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Are you single? Do you have single friends? Well, congratulations! You have your very own holiday to celebrate.

Single Working Women’s Week, this year the week of August 3 to 9, 2014, became an international holiday in 2006 when Chase’s Calendar of Events – the official guide to holidays around the world – agreed it was a unique reason to celebrate.

August 4, Single Working Women’s Day, became official just a few years ago And today single women all over the world have their own day to celebrate the courage and creativity it takes to live – and thrive! – in a society still mostly geared for couples.

Even though 51% of women in the U.S. are single – and the proportion continues to grow as the percentage of marriages declines both here and in countries all over the globe – couples generally still get the most benefits: lower taxes, cheaper prices, better seats in restaurants, etc. Though, thank goodness, things have been shifting in the eight years since SWWAN (Single Working Women’s Affiliate Network) was founded.

The online magazine Psychology Today publishes a column called “Living Single” written by professor Bella dePaulo, herself an ever-single woman. She specializes in studying societal trends and conducting research related to the phenomena surrounding the state of being single. Good stuff.

Single Working Women’s Week and Day gives you an official day and week in which to show your single women friends how much you appreciate them. Send a card, give a gift, buy a drink, write a blog post, or do something nice for her. And don’t forget yourself!

Whether you and your single friends are ever-single or divorced, singleton or single mom, be good to yourselves during Single Working Women’s Week. Celebrate all that you do and all that you give to the world, just as you do for others on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Grandparents Day, and so on. You deserve it, too!

Happy Single Working Women’s Week – August 4-11 – AND Single Working Women’s Day August 4, 2013

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Our special holiday is upon us once again. Single Working Women’s Week is August 4 to 11 this year. And now we have a Single Working Women’s Day on August 4 every year!

We urge everyone everywhere to  honor your single working women friends. Send her a card. Offer to take her garbage out. Or babysit her kid(s). Or cook dinner for her, or surprise her with a meal at her favorite restaurant. Sometimes just even spending a few hours together can feel special – even just going to the store together.

My life as a single semi-retired working woman has been mighty busy these last couple of years. Between health challenges and helping raise my lovely granddaughter (now 6), I haven’t had much time to reflect on living single. But this coming holiday week is a good time to do it. Rosie the Riveter is the image that caught on to represent all the women who went to work while the men fought WWII. Today women are everywhere in the work world. And nearly half of  women in the U.S. today are single (including divorced, widowed and never married).

A real-life

A real-life “Rosie the Riveter” operating a hand drill at Vultee-Nashville, Tennessee, working on an A-31 Vengeance dive bomber. Downsampled from original and sharpened slightly and resaved to increase managability of file. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Like many single women today who find the elusive “right” guy simply isn’t coming on the scene, my daughter decided almost seven years ago to have a baby on her own. Her greatest passion in life has always been for children – she even spent her pre-teen and teen years working in a home daycare setting across the street from our house.  She is great with kids. I cheered her choice; I was sure she’d do a wonderful job despite all the challenges I knew she’d face being a single mom.

And she is.

I love being able to watch the future taking shape in the mind of a bright and happy little girl. Whether she ends up finding her soulmate one day and chooses to marry or she chooses the single life, she will never forget the passion, the energy, the devotion and the commitment of her single mom – and her single grandmom!

So here’s to all of us SWWANs: Happy Single Working Women’s Week and Single Working Women’s Day! Kudos to you for the passion and energy and creativity you  put into making your single life a celebration every day.

 

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TV station celebrates Single Working Women’s Week!

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Congratulations to Kansas City’s Channel 4 television

English: Picture taken from the Liberty Memori...
English: Picture taken from the Liberty Memorial in Kansas City, MO. High Resolution. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

station’s Morning Show for celebrating Single Working Women’s Week. It may be only an article about fashion, but they’ve got the right idea. Fabulous!

And I hope you are finding something nice to do for yourself and your single working women friends this week. We all deserve it and this is our own special holiday!

P.S. This year we have a Single Working Women’s Day – August 4. Yahoo!

 

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Single moms: How to protect your kids’ future

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Universal Life Insurance Company

Universal Life Insurance Company (Photo credit: Thomas Hawk)

If you’re a single mom, whether divorced or never married, you’re likely always thinking about how to ensure the health and welfare of your child(ren) no matter what happens to you. The task of picking someone to become guardian is the first and most daunting one. What if you don’t have a friend or relative who’d want to do it—or who’d have the required patience and energy? Here are 7 big questions you need to consider when it comes to appointing a guardian for your kids.

Then there’s money. If you aren’t around anymore or become disabled and can’t earn an income, who’s going to finance the rearing of your kid(s)? Recent stats put the minimum amount to raise a child at $286,000, according to a CBS report on figures from the Department of Agriculture (huh? the DoA?). And the more money you make, the more you spend on rearing your child(ren) so if you’ve got money, that number could be substantially higher.

The cost of life insurance is not included in that hefty figure. Now I’ve not had any life insurance since the days I was married, so I’m not an expert on this topic. But I do know I wished many times that I could have afforded some. And I know that many sources I’ve checked over the years advised that term life insurance was the best type to invest in. That said, here’s an article that talks about the potential benefits of life insurance, either term or whole life, for single parents. It makes some good points. But consult other resources that aren’t affiliated with the insurance industry before you make a decision.

For myself it was a huge relief when my kids grew up and became independent. My daughters did have to put up with a lot because there was a divorce, but we are lucky. They’re both wonderful adults I’m proud to call my family. Be strong. Be creative. You can do it, single moms!

And don’t forget to congratulate yourself and all your single friends this July 29 through August 4—it’s Single Working Women’s Week again. Celebrate your courage and creativity. It’s a special time to be good to yourself and to all your single women friends.

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Survivor stories – Red Cross helps disaster areas and single individuals

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Most of us know the Red Cross does good things. But few of us have a good idea of just how this organization really helps people. Since this year for Single Working Women’s Week we are doing a benefit fundraiser for the Red Cross, it seems like a good idea to share a couple of stories about the good they do–both in times of natural disasters like hurricanes and tsunamis and in the lives of individuals like you and me. Here’s a recap of a story about a Hurricane Katrina survivor who eventually moved to Chicago:

Taneshia Dunn was working at a hotel in New Orleans in 2005 when Hurricane Katrina started pounding towards the Gulf. Having survived Hurricane Ivan a year earlier, she and her fiancé William decided to wait and see.

On the Saturday before the storm hit, they went to Wal-mart. The lines to get gasoline trailed down the block. It was miserably hot, and Taneshia’s car didn’t have air conditioning. She was still skeptical about taking a long trip for nothing. All night, she and William watched the news. At one point, she heard a stern warning from the city’s mayor that changed her mind. At 4 a.m. on Sunday, they packed up a few bags and headed to Houston. It took them more than 8 hours to make the 4-hour trip.

Taneshia and William spent the first month after the hurricane living with family in the countryside. They had no power for that entire time, so they grilled their meals in the yard and relied on generators. When the city of New Orleans reopened, Taneshia went home to see what she could salvage. Almost everything in her house was destroyed. Her neighbor had stated behind and taken photos during the storm. “The whole street looked like a lake,” Taneshia said.

They headed to Baton Rouge and found a motel with an open room. “I remember thinking, ‘We’re here, now how are we going to eat?’” Before she could worry for very long, the American Red Cross arrived at the motel offering warm meals, cold water and snacks. “They came by every day, three times a day,” Taneshia said. “It made me think, ‘Wow, this Red Cross is really something special.”

Months later when she relocated to Chicago—her first time living anywhere but Louisiana—she took a position at the American Red Cross of Greater Chicago and still works there today. “After an experience like Katrina, your outlook on everything changes,” Taneshia said. “It taught me to appreciate things on a whole new level.” Working at the Red Cross has also helped Taneshia heal. “I made a vow that when I got back on my feet, I wanted to give back,” Taneshia said. “Now I get to be part of the organization I care so much about.” Read the full blog post.

To learn more about preparing for disasters, visit www.chicagoredcross.org/ready.

And then there’s a story of how the work of the Red Cross saved the life of a healthy woman out for a jog. Training police and others in first aid/CPR training is another way ARC helps—even when the disaster that strikes is a personal one.

Lisa Karder Perez was taking a brief jog in her neat Cleveland suburban neighborhood one afternoon. Lisa remembers saying hello to a neighbor, then nothing. She’d lost consciousness, and it turned out to be a sudden cardiac arrest. A neighbor Robert Glorioso was driving by as he took his son home from school when the nine-year-old Virgil saw a woman lying by the roadside.

Being a caring neighbor and a brave man, Robert stopped beside the woman and, on checking, found he couldn’t hear her breathing and could hardly feel her pulse.

Robert knew he couldn’t waste time, so he called 911. Knowing that every second counted, he “began to administer rescue breaths and CPR compressions to the stricken woman.”

When a nearby police office arrived, he immediately unpacked an AED from his car and applied the electrical shock to Lisa’s heart—and gradually her pulse grew stronger.

Within minutes, a Medevac helicopter airlifted Lisa to a nearby Cleveland medical center. Lisa is now fully recovered—and very grateful to the two men. The American Red Cross of Summit and Portage Counties honored both men at a Real Heroes Breakfast.

CPR training

Image via Wikipedia

“I never thought this could happen to me. But I was lucky,” confides Lisa. “People who knew what to do were only seconds away. I’m here today because they took action and got involved. Others aren’t so fortunate. I’m involved with the Red Cross not only to encourage everyone to get CPR and basic first aid training, but also because cardiac arrest or a heart attack can happen to anybody – the last person you saw, sat next to or hugged could be that person. You don’t have to be an expert in CPR/AED to save someone’s life, but to do something gives the person a chance to survive. Together, we can turn heartbreak to hope.”  Read the whole story.

If you live in the Chicago area, we hope you’ll join us on Thursday, August 4, for the fun party/benefit Karat Cake 5-5-5. Every piece of cake you guy donates to the cause and wins you a wonderful prize – details here. All proceeds go to the American Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund. If you can’t join us, you can still purchase raffle tickets to benefit the cause—and maybe win one of our really cool prizes. Or you can just give—click to Donate Only.

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Being sick as a single person

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Churning butter

Churning butter. No way. I buy it.

It was several weeks ago that I put the butter in the mixer bowl to “soften.” Honestly, yes, several weeks. And that’s because I kept getting sick and pooping out on planned projects and imagined extra activities.

Hey, I kept it covered with the butter wrapper so it didn’t get dusty. Did you know that butter keeps astoundingly well sitting outside the refrigerator? Probably the salted kind keeps even better than the unsalted, which is what I use.

Anyway, I’ve got this fabulous-smelling quickbread/cake thing in the oven. It’s a recipe that will be appearing—if it’s as good as she says!—in my upcoming cookbook. I haven’t named the book yet; thinking about a couple of different titles but I know I want to get single women in there somehow.

Anyway, I’ve been remiss about the SWWAN blog for a while for the same reason the butter sat out, abandoned. It’s been a bear battling the various mysterious pneumonias and sinus infections and so on that have come to visit me this year. Hardly been well since January, except for a week here and there. And I noticed how fear took over when I was sick for more than a few days. I wondered if this was it—is this the illness that’s going to do me in?  Maybe that fear is more a function of advancing age plus serious heart issues, but being sick sure reminds me how very much my friends and family members mean to me—and how much I, as a single woman, depend on them. Single folks without any family have to depend even more on friends.

I’m feeling better now and I’m delighted to see more new SWWAN members. We do have an exciting event planned for Single Working Women’s Week this year. Once you check it out, if you want to help raise money for the wonderful work of our American Red Cross—and win some cool prizes—you can get your cake piece or raffle tickets here.

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Angels among us

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What does quantum physics have to do with angels? Image via Wikipedia

It’s been inspiring reading our guests’ thoughts during this Single Working Women’s Week. I want to end the week with something equally inspiring.

I’m thinking of a post I wrote years ago when I first started blogging. I used to write a personal blog called AngelsandFrogs. It’s gone now, but because it was early in my career as a self-employed copywriter and marketing consultant, I had a little more time to devote to thinking poetic thoughts. One of my favorite posts from that time—and I wrote it on a Saturday morning also—seems like a good way to end this special holiday week.

Long pause…like 24 hours.

Well, did you ever think you were going to find something, go looking and realize that whatever it was you were looking for is buried so far you don’t know if you’ll ever see it again? I had to start manually digging through all the 3 years of backups of my AngelsandFrogs blog. Needless to say, I didn’t get far enough before I had to interrupt for an errand.

Since I haven’t yet found the post I was thinking of, I’ll share this one from 2003. Just as relevant today (though it’s now Sunday instead of Saturday when I started this post).

Angels among us

“It is impossible to create any action that does not have value. You may not see it, but that is irrelevant. Live in the trust that when it is appropriate, pieces will fall into place and you will see clearly.” ~Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul

Gary Zukav studied quantum physics in order to present it for the layperson. Five years later, because he had been so profoundly moved by what he’d learned while he studied for that book, he wrote Seat of the Soul, another book in which he takes the lessons learned and applies them to the oldest, most insoluble questions of mankind–why are we here? does evil exist? what about “sin”? how can a “good God” allow suffering?

The answers he comes up with offer a kind of comfortable certainty previously available only to staunch adherents to various religious creeds. Hmmm. Gary Zukav admits he’s had great guidance from “non-physical guides and teachers.” Sounds a lot like old-fashioned “angels,” doesn’t it?

Our guest bloggers this week are just a few of the wonderful single women who could be said to be angels walking here among us. Thank you so much, ladies.

Ever ask a single woman, what can I do for you? Her automatic response is almost always, oh, I’m fine. Our next project ought to be helping single women learn how to let others do things for them! ” ) We’ll work on that for next year’s Single Working Women’s Week.

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Redefine “having it all”…guest blogger Chris King

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As Bella DePaulo says in the last post, having it all might just mean changing your lifestyle to one that accommodates your dreams and wishes—working just enough to pay the bills with plenty of time left over to pursue all the things you love. Today we’ve got Chris King—reigning queen of what she calls the “portfolio career”—a way to make a living that sounds a lot like what Dr. DePaulo describes.

I’ve known Chris King for a couple of decades—and we’ve run into each other in various pockets of our portfolio careers. And as a long-time single-again woman, she’s been an ardent supporter of SWWAN since its inception in 2006. Thanks, Chris.

I know one single mom who flatly rejected the idea of this portfolio idea—a.k.a. self-employment—and then the universe handed her an opportunity she couldn’t refuse. I suspect she will never go back now. So open your mind. If you’ve always had a full-time job (especially one that you hated going to), suspend your belief system about what it means to support yourself and listen along as Chris describes the joys and challenges of the portfolio life.

How to Work Full Time – Part Time … and Love Every Minute
by Chris King

It is believed by career forecasters that before long people who work one full-time job will be in the minority. As management guru Peter Drucker put it, “Corporations once built to last like pyramids are now more like tents – You can’t design your life around a temporary structure.” If you are already a free agent, independent professional, and freelancer, you may already have what I call a “Portfolio Career” – having many different careers rolled into one. In this article I am going to discuss “Portfolio Careers” – what they are, the pros and cons, where to find one, and when to start building one.

What is a “Portfolio Career”? To become a portfolio person, we must stop thinking in terms of having or not having a job. We need to take control of our life, make flexibility our credo, and develop a portfolio of different items, but with a theme. Rather than working for one company, you take on various projects and cultivate several clients. A successful “Portfolio Career” fits together bits of work in our life to form a balanced whole. There are different possibilities and different types of Portfolio Careers which include:

  • Working as an independent contractor for a specified length of time. And, then on to another career!
  • Working full time in one career, and adding on another or more part time careers.
  • Having a variety of part time careers.

Why have a “Portfolio Career”? The pros and cons. I tend to be a bit biased in this area because I have pursued a Portfolio Career for more than eighteen years and love it. During that time I have had as many as nine and as few as three different careers in my portfolio at a time. The pros in my case are the flexibility (one of my strongest values), the variety of working on many different tasks, being able to pursue careers that I love – but don’t pay enough to do full-time, the excitement that accompanies change and taking risks, and having creative control over my future – if I stop loving a career, I can quit because I have enough other careers to sustain me.

The cons are what every free agent, independent professional, and freelancer face: a lack of the stability afforded by a full-time job, paycheck, and benefits; feast and famine – being so busy it is overwhelming to having no set project lined up; having to deal with constant change and continual marketing and networking; and hearing friends and family say, “When are you going to get a real job?”

Where do I find or search for the careers to fill my “Portfolio”? I feel that when we are desperately looking for a career, it is hard to find. But once we have one or two and are exhibiting an attitude and appearance of confidence and professionalism, new career opportunities pop up continually. We just need to be flexible and confident about trying new careers. Areas of opportunity are all around us! Questions to ask yourself are:

  • If employed presently, what part time tasks are now hired out to independent contractors? What would I like to do or learn to do?
  • Is there an idea or ideas that I have for a home-based business, but have felt would not support me full time?
  • What skills and talents do I have that others would pay for?
  • What career(s) would I like to try, if I knew that I wouldn’t have to do it (them) forever or on a full-time basis?

When should I start a “Portfolio Career”? I suggest starting a Portfolio Career the minute you have any dissatisfaction with your present work life (or lack of work life), the minute someone offers you an opportunity (either for pay or for volunteer) that sounds interesting or fascinating, or when there are several career areas you would like to investigate. I don’t suggest taking on many different careers at the same time. My Portfolio Career has grown to include nine different careers over the years (adding and subtracting as a reasonable pace). The key to making the portfolio life work is planning, knowing what you are good at and being able to take risks. (This takes courage and healthy self-esteem.) Fill in any missing parts by volunteering, trying out new areas, taking classes, listening to tapes, researching and being honest with yourself.

To take The ‘Portfolio Career’ Self Test – or Am I Someone Who Would Love to Have One? click HERE

If you have questions or comments, please send me your FEEDBACK. And, if you already have a “Portfolio Career” I would love to read your story.

Can You Be Single and Have it All? Guest Post by Bella DePaulo

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If you want to learn about all the ways our society discriminates against single people, read Bella DePaulo’s work. She’s a Harvard PhD who pulls no punches calling out even high-flying groups like the American Psychological Association for their subtle “singlism” in language and attitude. She serves as a beacon for helping us do the consciousness-raising we all have to do before we get to the point where, as Morgan Freeman says “no need to say you’re proud to be black” and Dr. Karen Gail says in the previous post “no need to be proud you’re single,” we don’t have to say anything or prove anything to anybody about our life position.

With that, have at it, Bella…


When Barbara Payne asked me if I had a favorite life-changing moment as a single person, I immediately knew the story I wanted to tell. In fact, I had already written about it in my book, Singled Out. It was  the opening to the chapter in which I make fun of the stereotype that people who are single don’t have a life. Here it is (from p. 185):

After I moved from the East Coast to the West, there was a time when I knew I wanted to stay out West, but was not yet sure whether I could make that happen. Would I be able to sell my home in Virginia? Would anyone hire me for only as many hours as it took to pay my bills, so I could devote the rest of my time, and all of my heart and soul, to the study of singles? What about all the rest of it – would it all work out? Then one day, I got a phone call, and I knew that it had happened. I hung up and sat in quiet stunned amazement for a moment. Then I thought to myself, “I can have it all.”

It took a second for me to realize just how bizarre that thought was – at least by the prevailing standards. Here I was, stepping into a life in which I had no husband, no children, no full-time job, and for the first time in more than a decade, no home that I owned. Yet to me, I was about to have it all.

I doubt that I would have thought of my life that way many years before. I loved my friends, my family, my job, and my home, but I would not have spontaneously appropriated a cultural catch-phrase, nor refashioned it so thoroughly.

Years have passed since I wrote those words. I still have no husband, no children, no full-time job, and no home that I own. I could hardly be happier. I’ve made new friends and kept the old. I work as many hours as it takes to pay the bills (plus the time it takes to find the next opportunity that pays), then I passionately pursue my thinking and research and writing about single life.

I used to save up my money every year to spend a week or so at the beach. Now I live at the beach. Yes, I’m renting, but I can walk out my front door and have my toes in the Pacific Ocean in ten minutes. Or I can walk the many and varied trails. Or I can drive a few miles and pick up fruits and vegetables at the farmers market; my favorites sit colorfully and boastfully next to a hand-written sign that says “picked this morning.” I’d still love to see more of the friends and family who remain out East, but it is not hard to persuade people to visit me in the tiny town that is so aptly named Summerland.

Bella DePaulo (Ph.D., Harvard) is the author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After and of Single with Attitude: Not Your Typical Take on Health and Happiness, Love and Money, Marriage and Friendship. She writes the “Living Single” blog for Psychology Today and also blogs at Bella DePaulo’s blog. Visit her website at www.BellaDePaulo.com.

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Ever “defend yourself” for being single? Listen to Dr. KGL

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Dr. Karen Gail Lewis is a great supporter of SWWAN. She’s been working with us for the past 3 years in many ways. We are thrilled to have her share one of her articles as our first Single Working Women’s Week guest blogger. Love to hear your thoughts on this tell-it-like-it-is post.

“Single Women, Stop Defending Yourself!”

“Proud to be single.” “Single by choice.”

Why do people who have not signed a legal document of marriage need to proclaim their feelings about their life position?

It is a shame women have to take a stance one way or another on their feelings about being single. Wouldn’t it be great if there were no more value judgment about being single than about the length of your fingernails? Sometimes they’re long and sometimes they’re short. But you aren’t treated differently because of their length. You don’t have to sing to the world that you like short nails or you’re proud of your long nails. Unfortunately, that non-judgmental thing is not the case in our society.

People who have signed the legal document of marriage don’t say they are proud to be married or married by choice. People in a majority (whether this is economics, racial, gender, or life position) take their place of privilege for granted. It’s only the minority [note from BP: Society’s conventions and rewards are designed mainly for marrieds and thus tend to make singles feel like a minority even though single women are now actually a 51% majority in America!] who may feel the need to sing out the praises for “not being married.” It sounds like what it probably is: a defense against others’ expectations – that everyone should be married. Too bad others often hear it as “Me thinks thou doth protest too much.”

Think about this: why do you need to laud your life position? If it weren’t that you are fighting off what others think you should do, would you need to?

I understand, though, I write as a woman who just turned 64. I write as a family therapist who specializes in singles (always single and single again). I also write as someone who has researched and published a lot about singles (see With or Without A Man: Single Women Taking Control of Their Lives). One of the many things I’ve learned is that singles of different decades view their life position differently.

Prior to age 30 people feel free not to have to follow society’s traditional rules. Women and men no longer feel compelled to find a mate in their 20s, get married, and start a family. There is more freedom to explore their social world, focus on career, hang around with the opposite sex, have sex – all without expectations that you must “settle down.”

“Settle down.” What a stifling phrase. It sounds like you can be yourself up until the time you “settle down” and have to stop being yourself. Settle down to what?

After age 30, though, women are continually warned about the “ticking clock.” While they may not feel pressured about having children at this point, others certainly are wanting to pressure them. And, by the end of their 30s, most women have given in; that ticking becomes deafeningly loud.

Once women enter their 40s, they either have to change their song or they have to put on a good front. It’s hard to sound proud of something that you don’t feel you have any choice about—the fact is, you can’t make an appropriate man appear in life. Or, you can put on a good front while you sing the old song, knowing it may no longer be in tune.

Women in their late thirties and older need support for not falling into the trap of having to take a stand on how they feel about being single. They need support for the variety of feelings they have—sometimes it’s great and freeing being single, sometimes it can feel sad or lonely [BP note: just like being married!]. And sometimes it’s not an issue at all. Women need support to avoid the self-blame for why they don’t have a man. Mostly, they need support to push back against our culture that pressures women into how they should be feeling as a single woman.

If you want information about a source of great support, check out my Unique Retreats for Women weekend. And, be sure to get your 15 Golden Rules For Being An Emotionally Healthy Single Woman.

Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, author of With or Without A Man: Single Women Taking Control of Their Lives, and other books for singles, is a marriage and family therapist (39 years). Her most recent book is Why Don’t You Understand? A Gender Relationship Dictionary She has a practice in Cincinnati and in Washington, DC. She is available for phone consultations, 513-542-0646.