Sound creepy? Radical? Weird? Well, get used to the idea, because it’s going on every day–and according to an extensive deep research project conducted recently by a married female sociologist with no preconceived agenda, it’s working really well in many cases.
Dr. Peggy Drexler decided to write this book after she was astonished to find her study yielding extraordinary information that debunked the oft-repeated idea that boys must have a father present in the home in order to learn how to be male. Raising Boys without Men: How maverick moms are creating the next generation of exceptional men. Contrary to popular lore, she found that the many sons of the single and lesbian moms she interviewed over 2 years were not only strong, emotionally healthy, and quite male, but they also had an abundance of flexibility and sensitivity and an extraordinarily well-developed sense of morality and justice.
Dr. Drexler concluded that it’s good parenting–which can come from any combination of motherers/fatherers (people who aren’t necessarily blood relatives but who care about the kids)that makes for gender-comfortable, emotionally stable boys and girls. She said it’s the isolation of a parent that can produce difficulties. The most important thing is that a child have more than a single adult to whom s/he can turn for advice, comfort or other emotional needs.
For single-by-choice moms, here’s a good comment from the adoptive single mother of 5: “I think the hardest thing is that I chose this for myself, so you don’t have any right to ask for help. I have to watch that, because the help is there. …people are always so worried about insulting you.” Single moms, don’t be afraid to invite others to share your life and your challenges. It’s good for the kids, too!