Single Working Womens Week – SWWAN

She was a single mom holding her child when she boldly chased the Essence magazine editor into a bathroom to find out how to get published there. And then her career took off–great titles from this woman, Bebe Moore Campbell, a ‘perfectionist with words’who recently died of complications from brain cancer. Love this one: “Successful Women, Angry Men:Backlash in the Two-Career Marriage,” (which doesn’t seem to be for sale on Amazon–find it in a library), and this one for kids with a bipolar parent: “Sometimes My Mommy Gets Angry” (read the touching reviews of this one at Amazon).

Courage. Guts. Passion. Dedication to helping. She exemplified the SWWAN lifestyle.

It’s not exactly holiday cheer, but if you’re looking for a good cause to give money to this year-end and you need inspiration, check out this news documentary, Tracking the Monster: Ashley Judd And India.Arie Confront AIDS in Africa–it’s scheduled for December 1 on VH1 cable television.

Judd says the spread of AIDS here is due largely to ignorance (as it was here in the U.S. in the 80s). She notes in an interview on MSNBC that African women and young girls are disproportionately being infected with HIV and that the suffering is much greater because there is no money for medicine–even the $1-a-day treatment available today that gives miraculous recovery to HIV victims is beyond the reach of almost all African citizens. For more information, visit www.youthaids.org.

Your talents >> your career >> your life >> your way! That’s what the Creative Careers Unleashed blog is all about. And it’s a perfect description of how many SWWANs are living today. Sign up for the ezine for inspiration!

These days both men and women are reinventing themselves according to how their circumstances shift–income levels, children status, job situation, entrepreneurial endeavors, and so on–and taking advantage of all their skills to enhance their abilities and create unique ways to be successful. For single working women, the path is often a winding one that’s marked by ups and downs, failures and successes, good and not-so. Empowering each other and being our own best friends can help us keep it all in perspective.

When I heard about the racist comments comedian Kramer recently made to a heckler, my first thought was that maybe he was “being funny” in the way comedians can be (Jerry Seinfield’s standup is a perfect example), but then I read this story and I was appalled at the things he said. Eugene Robinson writes eloquently about how racism is so-not dead.

I wonder if it will ever disappear. Members of the human race all tend to want to divide the world up into “us” and “them” as a way to feel stronger, safer, more secure–better than. Racism is a classic case of what Freud first pointed out as psychological projection–a nice, neat way to put our own unacknowledged bad stuff onto other people.

Racism and sexism are two sides of the same coin. At SWWAN we are dedicated to helping eliminate both of them. And what a great thing to be thankful for…

What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Being single at the holidays can be tough if you don’t have an extended family to hang out with, or if they’re all so far away you’re not about to undertake a trip. And not every employer is enlightened enough to give folks the Friday-after-Thanksgiving off, so when that’s the case, that one-day holiday can feel like a little bit of an orphan.

If you’re blessed to have close family or friends with whom to spend this holiday, you might not think about asking about other single women you know who might not have that luxury. In case you don’t automatically invite others, remember to try it this year. Thanksgiving is the kind of holiday that’s generic and generous–it’s all about being thankful for all the good in your life. It’s not as intimate as Christmas, where you might be thinking about presents and where a stranger among you might easily feel out of place. Thanksgiving is for everyone equally. If you’re cooking, check on some of the other single women you know and see if they’d like to help you eat the goodies. If you’re not going anywhere yourself, think about doing something creative to celebrate and invite other single women you know to join you. Start your own tradition! And even if it turns out to be only for the one year, you will have made a memory unlike anyone else’s.

A hallmark of the successful single lifestyle is creating your own unique memories. Go for it.

How many times have you had to go to a social event or club member party by yourself? If you’re in business, of course, you can convince yourself this is networking and brave it like you always do. But maybe you just want to enjoy yourself. So what do you do?

You’re not dating anyone. Can’t find a girlfriend to go with you. Your single brother’s busy. Your male cousins are all married. Do you pass up an opportunity to enjoy lovely food and free drink and music in a charming setting just because you’ll have to do it alone? First, you try to find out if there’ll be a few other people there without dates. I remember I used to go to an after-work gathering to listen to live jazz. I’d agree to meet friends–a couple–there. When I tried to chat with others, I ususally didn’t get much response.

Then one day I brought a male friend of mine along. I was quite surprised to see that people who had previously been polite but rather cool were suddenly very friendly and even invited “us” to come to the next music place they were going! I can tell you it was never so clear to me just exactly the height of the social obstacles most single women face.

Fascinating premise: “People and companies are not prepared to win. They don’t want to win; they rather focus on surviving.”

Is this how you think? Many of us do, especially when the chips are down (certainly not an unknown situation in a SWWAN’s life). Have just been introduced to a woman in Finland who’s written a fascinating book, “The Winning Helix, The Art of Learning and Manifesting Your True Potential” that talks about how to eliminate this kind of thinking with concrete solutions.

Cristina Andersson, a business consultant, a serious opera singer, and a hockey-team/fan club helper, realized that what she had learned during her life commitments could be distilled into a system for learning. A system that people could use to turn random activities into powerful steps towards reaching their goals. She says:

“My research…resulted in a process model that combines the winning attitude with an intensive action-learning process. As a metaphor for the process I found the Dna-doublehelix that appeared to be genius and illustrating exactly all those different aspects of learning that I had in mind.”

Find out more here.

There are just too many of us around the world. Every industry is beginning to recognize they can’t stick us in the corners (there aren’t enough!) or sneeze at our money. This Observer article says the number of single British travelers (including men, too) has ballooned from 9.6 million a decade ago to a huge 15.4 million today. Companies that book independent travel–not packages–are saying bookings are up by 68% just this year!From 50 to 70 percent of single British travelers are women, and they include even married and “living with” women who are vacationing solo.

Hotels are learning to cater to the unique needs and desires of women traveling alone. Here’s a savvy rundown on what women want when they stay in hotels. Intelligent hotel owners are dumping the “single room supplement” idea–they’re realizing they can no longer afford to discourage this newly mobile and affluent contingent of travelers by charging a premium for their business. A Caribbean travel website talks about how women alone can enjoy themselves and lists hotels that are respectful of single women. A French ski resort in Chamonix caters to “individuals,” and a British travel agency gives tips and tricks for solo women on holiday. At last, things are beginning to change. We’re glad to be here helping it along!

Women are an increasing presence in business. At a big-event dinner at a members-only venue, she is pleased to meet a high-profile politician. But when he wants to get to know her better, he makes small talk by remarking that her table has more women than any other in the room. She demurs, he insists. Yes, he says, your table really does have more women than any other.

Okay, she says. And he replies, so, well, then, who ARE you here with?

She’s about 5’4″, thin, blonde and attractive–as the famous line goes, “Your basic nightmare.” But she’s not just what she looks like–she’s HER.

We’re still a long way from a time when the average man has it in his world purview that she is the member. That the folks at that table are her guests. That she is there with her friends and colleagues, rather than as an escort or decoration for a member-boyfriend or husband. That it’s her business that brings her here. And that even though she doesn’t mind in the least meeting handsome, successful men who are “into” strong, dynamic women, she’s here for her own reasons.

Happens every other day to successful SWWANs like Kirsten Osolind, founder of ReinventionInc.com. What’s your story of non-recognition? Email us about it.

If you have a ton of stress in your life–and let’s face it, many of us SWWANs do–you may have tried various things. I highly recommend learning to “meditate,” not any mysterious, cult-like thing, just a simple relaxation technique that lets your brain shift into alpha (read: calm and clear) wavess for a short while. It does wonders for stress, fatigue and overload. Even more powerful if you combine it with a meaningful prayer or poem. Read more about it Beyond the Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson.

And now the practice of chiropractic has caught on to a new system for diagnosing and relieving stress, even if it’s stress from an early life event, a trauma, or other emotional issue. And EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF these feelings. It combines the practice of Applied Kinesiology (muscle testing that uses the wisdom of your own body for diagnostics) with Neuro-Emotional Techniques. I have a friend who says it’s worked miracles for her when used with nutritional changes (things like cutting out sugar and processed flour and foods as much as possible).