Single women choosing motherhood cause a stir


Yes, single women choosing to become mothers is a controversial issue. Surely not a decision any woman would make lightly. And few people really believe that most kids wouldn’t like to have a mom and a dad who loved them. But consider the kids who do have both parents, one or both of whom could be judged as not having their kids’ best interests at heart. Happens every day.

This article cites research all over the place. As you know, research is like statistics–what you find is heavily influenced by what you go looking for. And to prove that kids prefer living equal time in two separate houses, this one study had to go to “kids” already in college–not likely to be representative of the feelings of little ones. I can tell you from observation, even when both parents are incredibly mature, peaceful people, it can be really tough on young kids to be shuttled constantly back and forth between homes.

But in this day when more women are choosing to remain single (because they haven’t found someone they consider a suitable mate), the idea that they “shouldn’t” become mothers is something that requires thinking through–not just jumping to a conclusion. For those who claim these single women are just satisfying their own needs–first, you’ve got to be kidding, right? Just THINK about the amount of work she’s committing herself to. And second, what are the couples who go through multiple cycles of IVF doing? Does it somehow become less self-seeking because there are two people involved? And if you’ve already had a child–unless you suffered greatly to have that baby–there is no way you can truly understand the depth for some women of that hunger to have a child.

Children of divorce whose dads abandon them. Children of miserable marriages. The kind of adults we become is profoundly influenced by what we see, endure and learn when we are kids. Even kids from the most disturbed and abusive situations can grow up to give incredible gifts to the world (Oprah Winfrey is only the most shining example). For some, all it takes is a single loving person to touch their lives. To say that a single woman who makes the incredibly difficult decision to have a child on her own could not give far more than that is just missing the point.

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