Single moms and their kids battle recession

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Mother holds Child
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I was somewhat surprised to read in a Legal Momentum e-newsletter that single mothers have traditionally always had a higher unemployment rate than the general population. Now they say the recession’s having an even greater negative impact. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) say the unemployment rate for single mothers was 13.6% in 2009 compared to 9.3% for the population as a whole.

I know how hard-hit so many two-parent families have been by this recession—several in my family had to have the stay-at-home mom go out and get a job. And having been a single mom myself who fought like hell to pay the bills and find a new job after losing  my employment in two earlier recessions, I find it painful to think about the struggles of the single mother in today’s brutal economy. First, they are women, which means they are already more likely to be paid less than men for similar work—in every type of job, from WalMart greeter to corporate executive. Second, unlike two-parent families there’s no second person to bring in backup income. Third, since a single mom already has an important second job—raising her kids—it may literally not be possible to take on a third job or find money to pay for child care even if she could.

Whether you make $20,000 a year or $100,000, whether you’re a working married mom or a single mom, as a parent your goal is to give your child the best possible life. When I read about how families are supported in other countries such as the private/public partnership to provide child care for all kids in Finland, it makes me sad that we don’t feel more of an obligation to help all of our country’s children receive the care they deserve while their moms work or look for work.

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Barbara Payne, September 12th 2010 | Posted in busy single working women, child care, single moms, single mothers, single parents, singles discrimination, Uncategorized

Change your life, change the world…

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Roshi Joan, His Holiness the Dalai Lama
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It can be devastating to reach a time in your life when you are hungering for something more—and yet unable to name it or find a way to it. And yet, think about this: “The Dalai Lama recently said, ‘The world will be saved by the western woman.’” He believes that we, as women of the western world, are going to be leaders in a movement towards a greater humanity. And he believes that because of the passion and caring commitment he’s seeing so many of us women putting out. Maybe that hunger inside you is your gentle call to play your part…

If you need a big shot of belief about this, check out this website: Women Living on the Verge of Evolution. And then if you want to really immerse yourself in this exciting tribute to expanding possibilities, you can attend  an inspiring and empowering conference coming up in two weeks. It’ll be held in Las Vegas—not a bad place for a long weekend of inspiration—on September 16 to 18 at the Alexis Park Resort Hotel. There’s a special price going on now only until Friday evening—visit the website for details.

I’ve attended some of the telesummit conferences that have been going on for the past 18 weeks, and let me tell you, there are some amazing women giving presentations at this conference. And I know the woman who’s masterminding this—she’s full of grace and wisdom and energy and is on a mission to share all these resources with you.

You can usually find a cheap flight to Vegas—if you feel drawn to this, I’m confident you’ll be amply rewarded for investing the time and the bucks.

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Barbara Payne, September 2nd 2010 | Posted in women on mission

Who are you now, and what do you really want?

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We women—single, single-again, married, cohabiting—all face unique situations and circumstances. But the ways in which any one woman suffers or feels confused or worries or wonders “what’s next” are not so different from those of other women.

Got a newsletter today from Dr. Karen Gail Lewis. She’s a warm and kind professional therapist who helps couples and families but also specializes in helping women who are single, single-again, or thinking about becoming single-again, or who’ve done all that society expected and just don’t know what they want now—she calls them “Empty Nexters.”

Dr. Karen has an interesting list of questions in her newsletter. They’re directed at women who are questioning “what’s next” about their own lives. I’m directly quoting it here so you can respond—in your head, on paper, or in your heart—if any of these questions resonates with you.

  • Think back to childhood, young adulthood. What were some of your dreams back then that you lost along the way?
  • Read magazines and even want ads. See what topics catch your interest. Don’t apply for anything; just be open to see what draws you.
  • Silence the inner voice that says, “I couldn’t,” or “I’d love to, but….”
  • Finish this sentence, “I would love to….” Don’t think about it, just write it out and see what words come.
  • Whose voice is inside your head saying, “You can’t!”?
  • What would your husband and children say if you were to say whatever came at the end of that sentence above?
  • What would your mother, father, siblings say if you were to do something entirely new and exciting with your life now?
  • Give yourself space to flush out old tears – for lost lovers, lost opportunities.
  • Attend a weekend retreat, just for women like you, Empty Nexters, figuring out what comes next.

Dr. Karen’s weekend retreats are specifically designed for women. Even if you don’t end up going to a retreat, she’s very generous about sharing her wisdom. You can read her inspiring words by visiting and subscribing to her newsletter at Dr. Karen Gail Lewis’s website.

Oh, and PS. There’s a special deal on pricing for the retreat—good only until September 15, so check it out today.

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Barbara Payne, September 1st 2010 | Posted in Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, single mom, single moms, single woman

Chicago real estate and single women

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Lincoln Park during the winter.
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Hate the heat. So I thought I’d show you Lincoln Park in the snow.

Growing pains—well, changing pains.  I’m happily settled in my new digs in the busy Lakeview area of Chicago, learning even more about why people love this city.

My condo in Logan Square is on the market. I bought it from a single woman. I owned it as a single woman. And there are two other single-woman-owned units in our beautifully rehabbed building. Chicago—as is the case with most large cities—is a great place to be a single woman. So many job opportunities. So many things to do and places to go and people to meet. Full of adventure, yet not overwhelming. I’ve met and made friends with more single women in the few years since I returned to Chicago than I did in my 33 years in Cleveland.

My granddaughter (she was 3 in July) and I are spending more time together lately while her single-mom Perri is busy working for her real estate customers. How’s the market in your neck of the woods? Perri says it’s still pretty slow in Chicago, except for some precisely circumscribed areas known as “the” hot areas of the city—Lincoln Park and Bucktown being two of them. But even a block or more outside the boundaries of those neighborhoods, she says, sales are still slow.

For more tips about the market, single-mom ideas, fun stuff to do, and ways to make your home more beautiful, subscribe to Perri’s blog, ChicagoLifeandStyleBlog.

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Barbara Payne, September 1st 2010 | Posted in single lifestyles, single mom, single moms, single women home buyers, sweltering heat, Uncategorized