What makes us want to "be there" for each other?

Share

What does it take to make people willing to share their weak spots, to make themselves vulnerable? Is it a common bond? Do business people have to get to know each other in social situations in order to develop that feeling? The Chicago NAWBO (National Assn. of Women Business Owners) has put together an Affiliates coalition aimed at bringing together women who work in nonprofits to get to know each other and hopefully share resources. Here’s their latest post on “women in business coalescing.” It’s got to be harder in business to get people to cooperate, especially when some members may share pieces of the target audience. Competitiveness and territoriality are huge factors for many people.

If we think of groups–as in Yahoo! groups and others–we think of people writing and sharing ideas with each other around a particular topic. The topic can be very narrow, say, grandmothers of 2-year-olds sharing stories. Or it can be broad, such as, single working women. In our case, we have members who are divorced women (some of them mothers), single mothers by choice, never-married single women, widows, and every variation possible–some in business for themselves and many working for others. Women in each segment may have different specific issues at different times, while members of all these groups must deal with the realities of being single in a society that’s profoundly focused on couples.

SWWAN is a member of the Affiliates Coalition. We hope to be able to share ideas and learn from other nonprofits as we move forward in creating The SWWAN Foundation, dedicated to empowering and encouraging single working women.

What do you think might encourage women to share and be vulnerable in a business setting?

No Comments

Barbara Payne, March 24th 2009 | Posted in Affiliates coalition, Chicago NAWBO, women in business

Movie review: Miss Potter – A remarkable single woman in early 1900s

Share

Renee Zellweger is adorable, and I’ve seen her play many types of roles very well. In this Golden-Globe-nominated movie, Miss Potter, she plays the irrepressible Beatrix Potter, author of the Tale of Peter Rabbit, living in just-past-Victorian-age England. She plays a single woman who is inspired by her characters, who paints them in beautiful detail, and then writes them into stories. She’s a single woman who determinedly seeks a voice among the 1902 all-male-women-are-not-welcome world of publishing. The story of her adventures in love and business and of how she finally gets published is utterly charming, and so the characters–including her adoring father and her obnoxious mother who keeps trying to marry her off.

Her publisher’s single sister is overjoyed to meet another single woman with a mind of her own; they become best friends. Beatrix is 32 years old and she and her new friend swear they will remain single forever. Her father gently derides her about not marrying the men her mother parades through the living room, and she says: :I won’t be pushed into this. Because I turned down men who were thought suitable because they were just barely acceptable and they could support me, does that mean I’m never to be loved?”

Then when her publisher at last asks her to marry him, she goes to her best friend, her loved one’s brother, and asks, “I know we said we’d never marry, but what do you think?” Her friend says, “Oh rubbish. What else would a single woman say? You have a chance to be loved. Take it.”

I won’t give away the next part, but I think you’ll enjoy this movie a lot.

No Comments

Barbara Payne, March 7th 2009 | Posted in Beatrix Potter, single woman author, single women in post-Victorian-age England

How's the economy affecting you?

Share

Talking with a Wall Street Journal reporter last week about how the current economic madness is affecting single women head-of-households. Here are some thoughts.

  • living on credit cards
  • increasing debt
  • cutting even non-frivolous expenses – e.g., not doing home repairs as soon as discovered b/c of expense
  • searching for bargains in food prices–single women don’t normally have time for that but need now to consider everything
  • eating out less often or not at all
  • going out less often or not at all – single moms especially–going out is doubly expensive b/c of babysitting
  • considering bankruptcy
  • hanging onto less than desirable jobs b/c no others available

What else are you doing that’s different?

No Comments

Barbara Payne, March 5th 2009 | Posted in single women economic power, single working women and the economy

Targeting women with sex

Share

Was watching the NBC Today show on the overhead TV while exercising on Monday morning. They got my attention when they said Internet pornography was a huge business–and for some reason pointed out that 8 out of 10 of the top Internet-porn-buying states gave their electoral votes to McCain. Then I was appalled to see they reported on a recent study that finds women respond well to sexy ads if the product is depicted as a gift from a man–“in a committed relationship.“

Men, it said, prefer sexy ads without the gift idea. So, they concluded, “if you want women to open up their purses, throw in a little commitment.“

Hey, I’m in marketing and I understand wanting to understand the psychology of the customer. But as a woman, the idea of faking commitment–which is a ploy that’s been around since human beings got out of the Garden of Eden and is still in use today–pisses me off. And the idea of formalizing it as a strategy for tricking people into buying things really pisses me off.

Comments welcome.

 

No Comments

Barbara Payne, March 4th 2009 | Posted in Uncategorized

Book review: Missy…being single and hard luck in the old West

Share

Reading an amazing story called Missy by Chris Hannan. It’s about a “flash girl” in the gold/silver rushes of the old West. These were prostitutes who were affiliated with an establishment, as opposed to street walkers. Lots of period dialog and details. Compelling story of a young woman whose mother is a total bust-out–playing like she is a lady but being seriously drunk all the time. Abandoned her daughter at age 13.

The daughter keeps following her around the country trying to help her–because she promised her when she was 10 that she would always take care of her. The daughter is addicted–like so many people of the time, particularly women–to opium in various forms. It was a drugstore remedy available to everyone and cheap. Still the
daughter maintains a semblance of sanity compared to her mom. Many scenes of
violence described with the dispassionate voice of someone who’s simply
used to it. Hard to put down.

Good reminder of some of the progress that’s been made for single working women in our world.

No Comments

Barbara Payne, February 27th 2009 | Posted in busy single working women, laudanum, old west, opium addiction, prostitutes

Urgent action call – women deserve better than abstinence-only

Share

This message may resonate with many single working women. Thanks to the Chicago Foundation for Women for sharing this important information.

Since 1996, the federal government has poured more than $1.5 billion into abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. In 2008 alone, it was $178 million.

President Obama is putting together his proposed budget for 2010, and as he has assured the nation he will be on the lookout for failed programs that deserve to be eliminated. We have an easy cut to suggest: End federal funding for the failed abstinence-only-until-marriage experiment.

Here are some facts for free: Research proves these programs don’t work. The programs prohibit teachers from discussing contraception, except to describe their failure rates. The lesson plans frequently teach young people sexist gender stereotypes and medically inaccurate information.

When should you act? Today.
By the end of February, President Obama plans to send his 2010 budget to Congress.

What can you do? Click here to email the White House now. http://capwiz.com/cfw/issues/alert/?alertid=12722606&external_id=10163.-1757079

No Comments

Barbara Payne, February 22nd 2009 | Posted in Uncategorized

SuperBowl ads ignore women

Share

Thanks to AskPatty for pointing this out on AdWeek. Did you watch the game? Did you see the famed SuperBowl ads?

I was stunned to see in one of the first ones the man is eating something or other (I had to go look it up to remember that it was Doritos) that allows him to make magic things happen–and the first thing he does is cause an attractive woman’s clothes to be stripped off her body. She’s standing there in her black bra, black underpants, and black GARTER BELT and stockings. Huh? What day and age is this?

If nearly half of the SuperBowl audience is women, and those women make 50 to 90% of the buying decisions in any particular sector of this country’s economy, what are you accomplishing by pandering to male fantasies and completely ignoring women’s sensibilities?

Never mind the GoDaddy ad suggesting women should shower together online to entertain male customers. What? I wonder how many of GoDaddy’s customers are women–women who increasingly set up web sites and need hosting and other services.

What’s the conclusion we can reach? That the companies that make the billions of dollars necessary to be able to spend millions on SuperBowl ads know the research–that 38% of the SuperBowl audience is female–and just plain don’t care. We’ve come a long way, baby…not.

No Comments

Barbara Payne, February 4th 2009 | Posted in SuperBowl ads, women unimportant

A beautiful Valentine idea for all SWWANs and friends

Share

Thanks for this wonderful idea from Beth Bradfish, single-working-woman publisher of Express Harmonies and owner of Beth Bradfish, Inc. workshops and seminars.

A Heart-made Valentine
February, 2009

“Get out your scissors and paste.” Remember the valentines you made when you were a kid? How much fun was that?!

Here’s a way to do that again with a grown-up twist that promises a powerful impact.

Step 1. Thinking about your loved one, identify his or her three greatest strengths. If you need some words to choose from, try this list from Martin Seligman’s Authentic Happiness (Simon & Schuster, 2002): curiosity, love of learning, judgment, ingenuity, social intelligence, perspective, value, perseverance, integrity, kindness, loving, citizenship, fairness, leadership, self-control, prudence, humility, appreciation of beauty, gratitude, hope, spirituality, forgiveness, humor and zest.

Step 2. For each of the strengths you choose for your loved one, write down a recent admirable example in which he or she displayed this strength. (See #1 below for an example of what this might look like.)

1. Strength: KINDNESS

Example: Monday, before you left for work, you cleaned the snow and ice off my car windows. That was so kind of you and reminds me of all the kind and thoughtful things you do for me and so many other people.

2. Strength: _________________

Example:

3. Strength: _________________

Example:

Step 3. Draw a nice big red heart around what you’ve written and hand it to your loved one on Valentine’s Day. (And then wait for a big smile to break out!)

“What underlies this exercise is the importance of the ideal self, both in our own mind and in that of our partner. The ideal self is the image we hold of the very best we are capable of, our highest strengths realized and active. When we feel that we are living up to the ideals that we hold most dearly, we are gratified, and exercising these strengths produces more gratification. When our partner sees this as well, we feel validated, and we work harder not to disappoint our partner’s faith in us.” –Martin Selgman from Authentic Happiness.

No Comments

Barbara Payne, February 4th 2009 | Posted in Valentine card, Valentine gift, Valentine's Day

Creating a new vision of our world

Share
Love this idea. They’re called “common security clubs,” and they’re all about looking at our personal, national and global economic issues together with a view to understanding–and changing–the forces at work on us all. Groups of 10 to 20 adults meet, either independently or affiliated with an institution (religious secular or otherwise) for a minimum of 5 times and then decide how they want to proceed. This is a concept with promise for single working women battling things all alone out there–generating ideas where working together we can improve each other’s economic security.
 
Some questions to build club activities around:

1) Learn and reflect
Through popular education tools, videos, Bible study (if Christian church-affiliated), and shared readings, participants increase their understanding of the larger economic forces on our lives. Why is the economy in distress? How did these changes happen? What are the historical factors? How does this connect to the global economy? What are the ecological factors contributing to the changes? What is our vision for a healthy, sustainable economy? What are the sources of real security in my life?

2) Mutual aid and local action
Through stories, examples, Web-based resources, a workbook, and mutual support, participants reflect on what makes them secure. What can we do together to increase our economic security at the local level? What would it mean to respond to my economic challenges in community? How can I reduce my economic vulnerability in conjunction with others? How can I get out of debt? How can I help my neighbor facing foreclosure or economic insecurity? Can I downscale and reduce my consumption and ecological footprint and save money?

3) Social action
The economic crisis is in part the result of an unengaged citizenry and government. What can we do together to build an economy based on building healthy communities rather than shoring up the casino economy? What public policies would make our communities more secure? Through discussion and education, participants might find ways to engage in a larger program of change around the financial system, economic development, tax policy, and other elements of our shared economic life.

Great ideas. Thanks to Jillian for sharing. Read more here http://www.sojo.net/index.cfm?action=magazine.article&issue=soj0902&article=we-re-in-this-together.

No Comments

Barbara Payne, February 1st 2009 | Posted in common security clubs, down economy, intentional communities, single working women

Ghandi movie gives half a lesson

Share

Watching the classic movie, Ghandi. Am struck by the fact that his incredibly powerful non-violent resistant efforts began in South Africa where they were highly effective because they were set up against LAWS. Yes, Indians had to carry ID cards when no one else in S. Africa did. They were required to do X and Y by law–a clear and present ruling against which they could fight.

How unlike the prejudice against single women in our society today. There are no written laws against which to stand. There are no formal regulations to contest. What single women face is only unwritten prejudices and informally sanctioned exclusions. Restricted or impossible access to loans, shame for being in need as a single mother, embarrassment at coming alone, without a "date," for a social or even a business occasion, missed opportunities because there is no man at the head of your business. The list goes on.

Even when women fought for the vote 100 years ago, both married and single women could fight alongside each other. And still the married women had the sanction of their husband's power behind them–or they risked divorce, at the time an almost impossible choice for a woman to give up the financial security (not to mention the social approbation) associated with marriage.

Elibabeth Cady Stanton was the married agitator. Susan B. Anthony was the lifetime single woman advocate. Blessedly they became closest friends. Today, the gulf between single and married is as great as it has ever been since the Victorian era and before. But the separation is more disguised because today single women have at least a greater chance of supporting themselves independently. Less room to be openly pitied–but no less room to be resented, stigmatized, ignored, or marginalized.

But then we see Ghandi turning to help his own country gain greater respect within the world community. Here is where we may take a lesson. There were no laws against being an Indian citizen. There were no laws against being strong and independent as a nation. But there was an overwhelming sense of unworthiness among the people. Ghandi said, “Poverty is the most powerful kind of violence.” So that is what Ghandi began to fight–the expectations, the systemic setup against success. That is where we can find inspiration for single working women.

Today we are creating change in the world.

No Comments

Barbara Payne, January 30th 2009 | Posted in busy single working women, gender prejudice, Ghandi, prejudice against single women, womne's right to vote
« Older Posts
Newer Posts »