Tired? Draw the line

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Yes, tiredness is often a chronic state for single working women. We want to do so much! When you don’t have children or a spouse at home, you tend to reach out many evenings for your social life as well as for business/networking. Why do you think people tend to gain weight when they get married? It’s because they get so relaxed! My ex-husband had tried to gain weight all his life (he was pretty scrawny as a kid). Once we got married, he gained 20 lbs. in the first year without even trying! Imagine how much easier it is for us females to gain weight…

Anyway, if you’re tired a lot–and most of us are–here are a few tips.

1. Don’t watch TV in your bedroom. Just use it for sleeping.
2. Don’t drink too much alcohol–some say any at all is bad. It disrupts your sleep patterns and you’ll get less sleep and what you do get will be poorer quality.
3. Listen to your body. If you feel tired at the end of the work day and the choice is between going to that one more networking meeting tonight and skipping it in favor of a good movie, remember that all you can do is all you can do–and it is enough.
4. Keep a book handy that reminds you not to take things too seriously. Find one that fits your beliefs and your comfort zone.

I don’t hold that these will be right for everybody by any means, but here are a few I keep around to transform my attitude: A Course in Miracles (tough reading but fascinating perspectives on every page), Creative Visualization (inspiration for making things happen in your life without killing yourself), The Seat of the Soul (radical stuff in here but some beautiful ideas as well).

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Barbara Payne, September 19th 2007 | Posted in chronic tiredness, course in miracles, creative visualization, seat of the soul, single working women

Glass ceiling? Well, duh

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Yes, here’s a report on women in hospitality and how they aren’t chosen for the top jobs. Guess what? It’s going on in every industry. Just read a long article in the Harvard Business Review by a guy who’s trying to say it’s not really a glass ceiling, but things at every step in women’s careers that keep them from being chosen for the very top jobs.

“Verbally intimidating others can undermine a woman’s influence, and assertive behavior can reduce her chances of getting a job or advancing her career.” The old idea that women are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Gosh, we could have told him that and saved him from having to do all that research. But, then, he wouldn’t have believed us anyway because we’re just females…

The bad news is plenty:

  • Women’s leadership styles have been proven over and over to be more effective than those of typical males–but only lead to advancement when used by men.
  • Women are putting in more child care hours than previous generations ever did, despite the fact that many men are doing more than they used to.
  • Hiring authorities are actually prejudiced–plain and simple–against women.

And the worse news he also shares is that though everybody seems to think women are going to continue to make headway, he sees a boatload of reasons why they won’t. That in fact, women’s progress into leadership positions has stalled and even slid backward slightly and is permanently halted.

His suggestions:

  • Raise awareness of the psychological drivers for prejudice against women and try to dispel those perceptions.
  • Change the long-hours-and-hanging-out-in-bars-after-work-equals-great-performance norm.
  • Reduce the subjectivity of performance evaluations to minimize conscious and unconscious prejudices.
  • Recruit openly and fairly rather than from informal social networks–in most of which females are largely excluded.
  • Hire women in executive positions to eliminate the problems that come with tokenism.

Ever happen to you? You’re the lone woman on the Board of Directors and you make a suggestion that is completely ignored, only to find that two minutes later the same thing is proposed by a man and accepted. It has to me and lots of other women I know. Now imagine the difficulties faced by single working moms in regard to those long hours? It’s a no-win situation today. We’ve got a long way to go, and miles before we rest.

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Barbara Payne, September 10th 2007 | Posted in glass ceiling, long hours, performance evaluation, prejudice against women in the workplace, single working moms, single working mother, women and glass ceiling

Let your light shine!

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My dear friend Linda shared this with me today. A good thing for all of us to ponder:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

Have you ever heard that before–“fear of success”? It’s a hard thing to stand out. Often when others do not feel strong, they want to knock down those who do. You do, in fact, risk becoming a target when you step out of the shadows. That vulnerability can frighten us away from manifesting our best selves. How do we overcome it? The first step–and one you may have to practice repeatedly–is to simply tell yourself “Stop it!” and substitute positive thoughts for negative self talk.

If you’re looking for more inspiration, check out this great About.com site full of quotations from Marianne Williamson and lots of other women.

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Barbara Payne, August 31st 2007 | Posted in enlightenment, let your light shine, Marianne Williamson, positive thoughts

The universe in a smile

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It happened today. My one-month-old granddaughter studied my face intently this morning–and a tiny little smile crept slowly across her lips.

Now I've seen those digestive-issue-induced smiles of hers–and let me tell you they'll charm the hell out of you, too. But this…this one looked like the real thing…the dawn of personal communication between me and that little girl.

Is there anything more thrilling than to feel that you have truly been seen by another human being? Not just looked at, or ogled (and we all know how much fun that can be when the mood is right), or looked through. No, I mean truly seen–genuinely recognized as the wondrous spirit you are.

That's how it feels when a baby smiles at you. As if all the good you've ever done is who you really are. And when it's a baby's smile, you know it has the whole universe of good and innocence in it.

What an incredible way to start the day. Go find yourself a baby… Or why not just practice seeing other people that way–then flash 'em your killer smile. You'll tranform their day–and brighten your own immeasurably.

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Barbara Payne, August 22nd 2007 | Posted in Uncategorized

What women make vs. men

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Whatever you’ve heard about women choosing occupations that pay less, here are the cold, hard numbers from the government’s American Community Survey (published 8/2006 with census date from 2005)for median income (half of people are above this number and half are below it) for women and men by occupation. Hard to think about this…a woman in most occupations makes an average of $10,000 less every year of her life than a man in the same occupation. For a few occupations the gap is less, but for some–like legal, for instance, where the median male’s income is more than 200% of the female’s, or sales where it’s 150% of a woman’s–the difference is dramatic. Now think about the many single working women in single-below-the-median-income households, and we’re talkin’ painful.

What could you do with $10,000, $20,000, $30,000 or more a year?

[The second and fourth columns are “90% plus or minus confidence levels” – the last one is the percentage of women’s income compared to men’s.]


And if you want to check out how it is for women in the state you live in, here’s a map.

In case you can’t read these charts (sorry, that’s as big as I could get the graphics) or want more information about poverty rates, etc., here’s the full report.

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Barbara Payne, August 21st 2007 | Posted in female earnings as percentage of male, income women vs. men, single women's income, women's income

Thanks: A story of omission

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It only makes sense to thank the people who help you. And the list of those in my life who’ve helped me is long and stretches many decades back.

It so happens that recently I failed to give due recognition to some people who have helped SWWAN a lot. At the celebrations of Single Working Women’s Week a couple of weeks ago I didn’t mention the advisory board members who have supported our efforts to get this holiday into gear. These generous people are listed and profiled on our website here. Cristina Andersson, Billa Bhandari, George Carpenter, Beatrice Davis, Monica Davis, Perrine Knight, Kathy O’Leary, Frances Richards, and Mike Miller have shown their support and given help and encouragement in a myriad of ways. Thank you all for believing in the mission and vision of SWWAN. And Mary Cilia, fellow NAWBO member and president of MEC Systems, was a great support when SWWAN was in its infancy–thanks, Mary.

And it so happens that I had an opportunity to thank one of these very important people in person at our Chicago event–and I screwed it up. So Beatrice Davis, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind and generous support. Without your encouragement, Single Working Women’s Week might never have happened. You were there when the chips were down and the to-do list looked hopelessly unachievable. Without your sharing of your professional expertise and the great people you know, our event would not have been as successful as it was. Thank you for even getting your client Geir Ness to donate samples of his delightful perfumes from Norway, Laila. Belatedly, on behalf of me personally and of single working women everywhere, thank you.

Please visit Beatrice’s cool online magazine, No Strings Attached ENews, and prepare to be entertained!

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Barbara Payne, August 19th 2007 | Posted in single working women, Single Working Women's Week

The courage of single moms by choice

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It takes courage of the first order to decide to become a single mom. You know that it’s going to be hard for both you and your child, but you know you have so much to give that the baby/child/adult will grow up certain of being loved and with a deep understanding and compassion for those who struggle.

I am very proud of my single daughter who made this courageous choice and was so healthy during her pregnancy that I feared she might have a 15-pound kid. She also delivered baby Sophia totally without drugs and is nursing her on demand so she will have the very best start in life.

Truly life will never be the same for my daughter or, delightedly, for me either. Another soul has joined us in this world to face what life gives, to learn and grow and love. What an honor to be able to share in that joyful adventure.

Couldn’t resist sharing this great photo of my beautiful new grandchild, taken by a professional pet photographer (who also happens to be her proud aunt).

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Barbara Payne, August 18th 2007 | Posted in grandchild, pet photographer, single mom by choice, single mothers

Women who blog – Way to network with each other!

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Found this at Downtown Women’s Club WomensDish blog. What a great idea! Women supporting other women who blog. Read this list, try reading the ones that sound interesting. Great way to meet other women and keep up with cool and interesting developments among dynamic women just like you. I’ve added Kirsten Osolind’s ReinventionInc. and Sharan Tash’s The Pronetworker.

The W List – Women who blog

45 Things by Anita Bruzzese
advergirl Leigh Householder
Back in Skinny Jeans by Stephanie Quilao
Biz Growth News by Krishna De
BlogWrite for CEOs Debbie Weil
Brand Sizzle Anne Simons
Branding & Marketing Chris Brown
Brazen Careerist by Penelope Trunk
CK’s Blog CK (Christina Kerley)
Communication Overtones Kami Huyse
Conscious Business by Anne Libby
Conversation Agent Valeria Maltoni
Corporate PR Elizabeth Albrycht
Customers Rock! Becky Carroll
Deborah Schultz by Deborah Schultz
Diva Marketing Blog Toby Bloomberg
Dooce by Heather B. Armstrong
Email Marketing Best Practices Tamara Gielen
Escape from Cubicle Nation by Pamela Slim
eSoup by Sharon Sarmiento
Feministing by Jessica, Vanessa, Samhita, Ann, Celina, Jen and Courtney
Flooring The Consumer CB Whittemore
Forrester’s Marketing Blog Shar, Charlene, Chloe, Christine Elana, Laura and Lisa
FunnyBusiness by Elana Centor
Get Fresh Minds by Katie Konrath
Get Shouty by Katie Chatfield
Hey Marci by Marci Alboher
Inspired Business Growth by Wendy Piersall
J.T. O’Donnell Career Insights by J.T. O’Donnell
Kinetic Ideas Wendy Maynard
Learned on Women by Andrea Learned
Learning Optimism by Nataly Kogan
Lindsey Pollak by Lindsey Pollak
Lip-Sticking by Yvonne DeVita and Lena West
Liz Strauss at Successful Blog by Liz Strauss
Little Red Suit by Tiffany Monhollon
Lorelle on WordPress by Lorelle VanFossen
Manage to Change by Ann Michael
Management Craft by Lisa Haneberg
Marketing Roadmaps Susan Getgood
Moda di Magno by Lori Magno
Modite by Rebecca Thorman
Narrative Assets by Karen Hegman
Presto Vivace Blog Alice Marshall
Productivity Goal by Carolyn Manning
Reinvention Inc. blog by Kirsten Osolind
Spare Change Nedra Kline Weinreich
::Surroundings:: by Linda Merrill
That’s What She Said by Julie Elgar
Tech Kitten by Trisha Miller
The Blog Angel aka Claire Raikes
The Brand Dame by Lyn Chamberlin
The Copywriting Maven Roberta Rosenberg
The Engaging Brand by Anna Farmery
The Origin of Brands Laura Ries
The Podcast Sisters by Krishna De, Anna Farmery and Heather Gorringe
The Pronetworker Blog by Sharan Tash
The SWWAN Blog by Barbara Payne
Water Cooler Wisdom by Alexandra Levit
Wealth Strategy Secrets by Money Gym author and Founder Nicola Cairncross.
What’s Next Blog B L Ochman
Wiggly Wigglers authored by fellow Podcast Sister Heather Gorringe
WomensDISH by Diane K. Danielson and friends
Ypulse by Anastasia Goodstein

As Diane, author of WomensDish and founder of DWC, notes: The W List is the invention of Valeria Maltoni at Conversation Agent. See her posting here. It’s up to us women to use the Internet to help us create the old girls network that’s the best possible way for us to begin strengthening our ability to achieve all we want.

Add your own favorite woman blogger and post it on your site – then send an email to all your contacts!

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Barbara Payne, August 15th 2007 | Posted in Downtown Womens Club, reinventioninc, Sharan Tash, swwan blog, the Pronetworker

Former TV star's advice on living alone

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She was the cute and savvy sidekick on the 60s television series “Get Smart.” At some point in her life Barbara Feldon’s marriage dissolved and nothing else seemed on the horizon. Eventually, she adapted and is now thriving–her book, “Living alone and loving it: a guide to relishing the solo life,” offers some cool advice. A few points:

  • Stop imagining that marriage is a solution for loneliness.
  • Nurture a glowing self image that is not dependent on an admirer.
  • Value connections that might be overlooked.
  • Develop your creative side.
  • End negative thinking. (Just say “Stop it!” when those thoughts intrude.)

A really important item: Live within your means – ruthlessly. Give up the idea of an ideal caretaker who will provide a safe haven and relieve you of your responsibility for your financial security.

Like this one. Treasure your home – it is a portrait of what you think of yourself. Explore your own taste – unfettered. “Your space is the litmus test of your self-esteem.”

And especially appreciate this one: “Our romantic nature is one of the dearest aspects of being human. Whether it is expressed directly in mating or sublimated in friendship, affection, fantasy or art, it deserves to be celebrated and encouraged to take wing.” Concentrate on the loving connections in your life – not on what is missing.

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Barbara Payne, August 15th 2007 | Posted in affection, Barbara Feldon, friendship, Get Smart tv series, living alone, romance, romantic nature, sublimation

Beautiful people – beautiful celebration – beautiful holiday – and thank yous

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I finally got the link to the photos from our lovely celebration in Chicago of Single Working Women’s Week.

And thanks again to our wonderful speaker, Sharan Tash, for generously practicing what she preaches–give without thought of return.

Sharan Tash inspires guests at the Chicago celebration of the first annual Single Working Women's Week

And see the beautiful lady on the right in the pink dress? That’s Beatrice Davis, publisher of the quirky online entertainment magazine No Strings Attached ENews, and a wonderful woman without whose generous sharing of her expertise and her connections and her support this celebration would never have come about. Thank you, Beatrice. Your generous spirit reaches out across the miles to make a difference for people all over the world. SWWAN is blessed to have you as an advisory board member.

And thank you, Dave Lade, for these lovely, professional photos. Readers, check ’em out and if you need some great pictures yourself, contact Dave at 312-946-0301. He’s at your service.

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Barbara Payne, August 12th 2007 | Posted in Beatrice Davis, Dave Lade, NoStringsAttachedENews, Sharan Tash, Single Working Women's Week
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