The power of protesting

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Saw something on television last night that—if my guess is correct—restores my faith in the power of speaking up when you see things that aren’t right. Because I can only assume that, since some single women I know noticed it and objected strenuously, there had to be many others who felt the same way.
 
I’m talking about the commercial put out a few months ago by the makers of Zantac, the over-the-counter drug for treating acid indigestion and acid reflux. The commercial starts out with a picture of a woman who looks like hell. In the first part of the video, she’s wearing a baggy black dress, has pouches under her eyes and is holding her stomach. The copy talks about how stomach acid can destroy your life.
 
Then the woman takes her Zantac, and we watch as her world is transformed before our very eyes. She’s magically transported out of her miserable little hovel to a trendy restaurant, where suddenly flowers appear and she’s surrounded by smiling people. She’s even got a belt on now to show us she really is very attractive.
 
But the most astounding—and insulting—part is when the special effects guys swoop into the picture with a little hand (I think that’s what it was–like a genie’s hand I guess) that pulls a handsome, suit-bedecked man out of thin air and places him opposite her at the restaurant table. Copy says something to the effect of, “Now, your life can begin.”
 
I was appalled when I first saw it. Good grief, I thought. Can women never escape the myth that we are nothing without a man? Then, a few days later, another, much younger, single woman friend called me on the phone one night and said, you won’t believe what this commercial just did! I immediately knew exactly the one she was talking about. She, too, was highly insulted by this little scenario.
 
Well, guess what? Last night I saw a Zantac commercial. And they had taken the offending scenes out. Hurray! Enough women spoke up about the crass, prejudiced picture the earlier version presented—and got results. For what it’s worth, maybe we SWWANs should make it a point to find a few minutes to complain to the powers that be every time we notice single women being presented in unflattering and even offensive ways.
 
From small beginnings, great changes come.

Earth Hour – and WOW, what an idea for a business

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Did you turn off your lights last night from 8 to 9 in support of the million-strong Earth-Hour movement to make a statement about global warming? Well, even if you didn’t, if you understand that we humans have the power to make change where it’s needed–to stop consuming so much of our earth’s resources as to leave it ravaged for our great-grandchildren–you can still get involved by changing small things in your daily rituals.

Surprisingly, studies show that leaving electrical appliances (chargers, etc.) plugged in when they’re not in use can increase your energy use by up to 10%!! So that’s an easy one–well, for some of us it might take a bit of thought to realize all the things I do leave plugged in…

And meanwhile, what do you think about the idea of having a business where your role is to provide “art vacations”? To go along with a bunch of interested single women and give them art instruction in places like the North Atlantic seacoast and Galway, Ireland, or in and around a restored monastery in Umbria, Italy? I love this idea that Nina Weiss has developed! You can find out more by visiting her art vacations website and downloading a catalog.

Getting away with the girls is the best

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Ladies, you deserve a vacation with your girlfriends, don’t you? I know I do!

Whether you’re absolutely sure you do, or you need a little encouragement to believe it, check out this great contest put on by Kango. Click on the “Go with the Girls” badge, over on the left of this blog, and vote for me! Your vote will help me maybe win money for a getaway to one of four wonderful destinations.

And of course, while you’re at it, tell ’em why you deserve one, too. And let me know–I’ll vote for you in return!

How do you do it?

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Not enough time. According to a market research study conducted by one of the 800-pound gorillas of the Internet, Yahoo, the Number One issue among women today–be they single, divorced, kids or no kids–is that they don't have enough time.

As a single working woman–let alone a single working mom–you’re already doing all the work for an entire household. If your income isn’t where you’d like it to be, you may not be inclined to invest in paying to have everything done.

But even if you have a great job and/or a lot of child support, you still need to network professionally. Because of course there are no loyalties in the workplace today. You never know when the next outbreak of outplacements may call your number up, regardless of how many years of excellent performance you’ve delivered. And if you happen to be and perhaps especially if you're self-employed, everything goes double–and if you’re single on top of that, you definitely want to make time for a social life.

So what do we do? We wing it. We prioritize on the run. We leave things out. When it gets bad or you’re sick, sometimes we just plain forget things. If you find yourself swimming upstream, you won’t be sorry if you invest a couple of minutes to read our newsletter. In each issue, we feature the useful tips and tricks of one of our founding members, Chris King. We are lucky Chris agreed to let us syndicate her newsletter, Random Tips and Productive Resources. Check out her website, www.creativekeys.net.

And you will find some extremely valuable tips in our interviews on the SWWAN Dive, our Internet radio show where we invite people to share their wisdom and expertise on a multitude of topics.

I promise, these are a couple of things you’ll be glad you found time to do.

Stories that take us away

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When you think about a lot of what's on television these days–murder, gore, sitcoms, and reality shows–and the magical enchantment of the Internet, you might wonder if books have lost their power.

But all you have to do is find a good one and you'll likely be lost to those other blandishments. That's why at SWWAN we are building a database of book (and movie) reviews by single women. If you're anything like me regarding fiction, you may have a hard time knowing what to pick out at the library or at the bookstore. Everyone tends to rely on the blurbs on the cover–but what do we have in common with most of those reviewers? Not much in most cases. And even though we're all wonderfully individual, we thought it might be nice to get a recommendation from a fellow single-woman traveler.

One day we hope to start a star system like with Netflix where you rate for yourself and then they recommend other things you might like. For now we just take your description of the story (and a good quote if you like), and let you judge for yourself. So check out our book and movie reviews page and maybe start your own rating list.

Persevere—it's all that counts

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I walked out of the house yesterday morning and heard a bird singing.

A bird.

I hadn’t been paying attention that the birds weren’t singing lately. So it was a lovely surprise to hear that sound. Do the birds who stay in the temperate zone all year not sing during the really cold weather? Do they, like us, tend to put their little beaks to the grindstone when conditions make it necessary to focus exclusively on surival? Makes sense. I remember noticing this delightful sound on other early-warming days of earlier winters. What a delight.

Birds singing is an early sign of spring…unfailingly they sing, just as hope springs eternal. As we talked about today in the Ladies Who Launch incubator meeting–be like a child, who doesn’t just try to learn to walk, she just keeps falling down and continues until she learns. He doesn’t just try to learn to get his fingers to pick up a tiny button, he keeps on until he can do it.

So don’t just “try” to do what you want, keep on until you succeed.

Valentine's Day – it's not just about dates and mates

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Valentine’s Day is a great time to celebrate your feelings for everyone you love–the children you know (even if they’re yours!), your friends and relatives, co-workers, etc. Bring some joy into the office with Valentine’s Day tokens.

Since we don’t normally talk about dating (there are more than enough of those sites and sources out there), we thought this might be an okay topic for this holiday–for those of you who date. “National database lets women report–and look up–bad guys”

Wouldn’t you like to know if the guy you’re dating is secretly married? Would you like to know ahead of time if they guy who just asked you out has a pattern of trying to get money out of his girlfriends?

Now you may be able to just look him up on the Internet and find out.

She survived enough abuse herself, so Stephany Alexander decided to set up an online database where women could report cruel, nasty, abusive, unfair, cheating and other types of bad behavior on the part of the men they got involved with. Especially useful since guys who do this to one woman often tend to do it to every woman they go out with.

Stephany shared how she got the idea and gave tips on how to keep yourself safe with online dating when we interviewed her for our SWWAN Dive Internet radio show recently. Check it out here.

And here’s another site that gives out official verifications and certifications for your honesty. Of course, these are products you must purchase, but perhaps that’s where we’re coming to in our world. Take a look at HonestyOnline.

Science supports the SWWAN mission

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Just finished a brilliant book, “Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After,” (St. Martin’s Press, 2006). Author Bella DePaulo, a Harvard-educated PhD who happens to be an ever-single, brings to light all the subtle, hidden, insidious ways in which American society discriminates against singles.

If you thought it was just you, or you thought it was just a few people around you with whom you sometimes feel less-than, you’ll be very pleased to know that, in fact, not only are you not alone, but it’s pervasive. Getting married in America gets you all kinds of perks and privileges you are pointedly–and often smugly–denied because you’re single. And that includes a not-insignificant number of government-issued free passes and discounts. We’ll talk more about that another time.

And today, when 51% of women in this country are single, these truths become not just appalling but incredible. I love how she says about certain facts, try saying this with the word “married” instead of single and see what kind of hell you’d raise. DePaulo calls this discriminatory pattern–and it is a pattern, not a few isolated incidents–singlism. She compares it–quite aptly and with scientific proof–to sexism, racism and every other case of widespread discrimination still practiced (with varying degrees of subterfuge) today.

Fifty-one percent? And listen to how arch-conservative Time magazine “yes, buts…” its way through an analysis of the book’s carefully researched statistics.

“The Times got to 51% only[emphasis added] by including 2.4 million American females over 15 (of the 117 million total) who are married but aren’t living with their husbands–but not because the marriage is troubled, according to Robert Bernstein, a press officer with the Census Bureau. Instead, they live in different places because of, say, a temporary work assignment such as military deployment. The paper also counts widows as women living without their husbands. Right. They’re dead. Except for the infinitesimal number who killed their spouses, these women didn’t give up on matrimony.”

And there’s more. How about this: “…it’s true that Americans wait longer than ever to wed. But the rise in marrying age almost exactly mirrors the rise in life expectancy.” What does maybe-living til 80 have to do with refusing to give up your freedom to be uniquely yourself when you’re 22, 23, 24 and 25? Methinks though dost protest too much, Time.

But in the end, they can’t nay-say the truths laid bare in this scholarly but very passionately written book about singles in America. They end with this: “There’s good evidence that it is freedom that makes us healthy and happy, not the bonds of marriage.”

We’ve invited Bella DePaulo to talk with us on the SWWAN Dive radio show. Stay tuned and we’ll let you know when she’ll be appearing.

Stick to love

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Got this quote in the email today. A thought-provoker…

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

What makes people choose hate? Well, for one thing, it can feel very energizing. When we think about it, we can see there’s a big difference in the type of energy you feel with hate than what you feel when practicing appreciation, gratitude and love. Energy comes in the wild, driving kind, the passionate kind that involves all your sexual being–that’s the kind hate summons up. And it can make you feel heatedly alive.

But energy also comes in the quiet, enduring kind. The kind that fuels us through personal health challenges or the protracted illness of a loved one. The kind that helps us get through loneliness or depression. The kind that gets us through life’s rough spots, hopefully in one piece. The kind we feel when we forgive those who do not understand or even acknowledge the challenges we face.

But Dr. King refers to hate as a burden. Yes, the burden of finding fault and blaming others also demands a lot of energy. It’s ironic that we can fire ourselves up with hatred but then must continually pay the price of anger and judgmentalism in order to keep it going. So give yourself a break. Today, just choose love.

Got 10 to 12 Times Your Salary Saved for Retirement?

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That’s what they’re saying it will take to have a comfortable retirement–ten to twelve times the salary you’re making. Reporter Martha M. Hamilton says the statistics are woeful when it comes to those who’ve saved enough. But then she goes on to describe a report on the “average” baby boomers’ retirement readiness::

“Another survey showed that workers on the leading edge of the baby boom have made progress in preparing for retirement. MetLife’s Mature Market Institute surveyed 1,000 folks who are turning 62 in 2008 and found that their net worth (excluding home value) averaged $257,800. Their average annual income was about $71,400.”

Wonder who the 1000 people were that MetLife surveyed for this report–and how many of them were single working women (a segment which is–in case we forgot–now 51% of all women in the U.S.).