Moms having to go to work

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If you ever feel bad (and who doesn't?) about having to leave your little one to go to work, you should watch this program about the life of penguins that I'm watching on Animal Planet TV–it’s The March of the Penguins.

I have seen lots of programs about penguins, but never one so attentive to the details of their existence and so sensitive to the dilemmas of their lifestyle. All I can think is, what was God thinking to make these creatures’ lives so hard? Now, clearly God knows what He's doing, so that seems like a crazy question. But maybe it's just this–that we human beings who struggle with our parenting issues can look at these valiant animal models and feel that we don't have it so bad after all.

I hope you'll have an opportunity to watch this soulful look at one of mother Nature's most extraordinary life stories. It's enlightening and inspiring.

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Barbara Payne, November 26th 2007 | Posted in Uncategorized

Build your own support team

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Many of us grew up with less-than-ideal levels of acceptance and encouragement. That reality generally follows us into our adult years and can play havoc with our ability to make healthy, wise choices for ourselves. Why else are we running into a life coach at every corner these days? Now that there's some accepted wisdom on how to combat the consequences of poor early conditioning—and that wisdom has become teachable—understandably women want to share the knowledge (and hope to make a living by doing so).

I'm just reading a very interesting book called “8 Minutes in the Morning for Extra Easy Weight Loss.” In it author Louis stresses the importance of asking for help—connecting with others, improving your ability to reach out—as a critical weight loss aid. Which is, of course, the idea behind Weight Watchers' group meetings and weigh-ins and so on. It's also a big factor in the 12-step approach. But in this book, he tells you how to create your own team from among people you know.

No money, no need to go out of the house to meetings (which can get pretty tough for already-overburdened working women). I got it out of the library, and I'm enjoying the really simple exercises (I've been doing aerobics for over 25 years and I won't change that) that you do first thing in the morning. It's a fresh approach to eating right and exercise. Recommend reading.

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Barbara Payne, November 18th 2007 | Posted in aerobics, exercise, life coach, lose weight, weight loss, weight loss aid

A bank that's listening

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Sat next to an extraordinary woman today. Linda Stevenson almost single-handedly got National City Bank to believe that supporting women as business owners was not only a socially valuable idea (we are so excited about that!) but also a financially sound idea in terms of building business for the bank. Impressive accomplishment—and kudos to the guiding lights at Nat City for opening their minds. Will be inviting her to appear on www.swwan.org/swwan_dive/ soon.

We happened to be sitting next to each other at the Chicago WeDo event—a seminar on Intellectual Property co-sponsored by National City and a number of other companies that strongly support women in business. Met a number of dynamic women business owners, learned about things you should know when your business gets beyond the kitchen table (and maybe before!) including how to think about expanding revenue streams by licensing.

It’s enlightening to hear legal and accounting people talk about business planning—perspectives many of us don’t think about when we first get rolling. But a recent seminar at another bank-sponsored event was titled, “Begin with the end in mind.” So if you want to have a business that can get bigger than just paying the bills, you’ll want to think about these things. Check out the National City WeDo tour.

And, oh, yeah, if you’re a woman in the Chicago area interested in starting or growing your business and want to talk to a banker, call Meghan Kearns at National City, 773.252.7140.

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Barbara Payne, November 14th 2007 | Posted in financing for women business owners, Linda Stevenson, Meghan Kearns, National City Bank, single women in business, WeDo Tour, women-friendly bank

Race and gender–side by side

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Watching an old PBS video. "Unforgivable Blackness" about the great boxer Jack Johnson. He was the original black fighter who transformed the game from a whites-only sport in turn-of-the-century America.

A description of Johnson’s fighting style sounds a lot like that of the former heavyweight champion Muhammed Ali. “He often fought to punish his opponents rather than knock them out, endlessly avoiding their blows and striking with swift counters.” And Ali was clearly inspired by his enthusiastic approach to fame, too.

Johnson believed in being as ostentatious and noticeable as possible. The fighter was always at odds with the attitude of his contemporary, Booker T. Washington–who thought black people should accept their place and be quietly industrious. The direct quotes from real people of the time were fascinating. Love this one about the attitude of the media of the day:
"Anything that was considered a positive trait in the white fighter was turned into a profoundly negative characteristic when exhibited by the black fighter."

Sound familiar, anybody?

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Barbara Payne, November 8th 2007 | Posted in Booker T. Washington, gender prejudice, Jack Johnson boxer, Muhammed Ali, racism, sexism

Who are you?

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So many of us are raised in fear. We all need and want our parents’ approval and encouragement. Some of us get it in fair measure, and others get little or none. After all, many of our parents weren’t raised by people who’d had terrific support–it’s a long vicious cycle.

Found this great quote on successful-PR-expert Kirsten Osolind‘s Facebook site:

“All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone
tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were
often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking
for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I,
could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my
expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born
with: that I am nobody but myself.”

“The harder we fought, the more threatening the men became…”

– Ralph Ellison, “Battle Royal”

I was moved to comment:

So applicable to so many of us women–waiting for approval or permission. At SWWAN we are working on making the world a safer place for women to step out of the shadows and be themselves in spite of society’s discomfort.

“A single woman represents chaos. Woman belongs only in a marriage or in a convent.” …line from a famous South American fim that I can’t remember the name of right now.

How have you gone about finding yourself? How much do you rely on the approval of others? It can be tough to believe in yourself when you don’t fit into an accepted pattern–don’t meet people’s expectations for “normal.” Single women, more than many others, have to face this reality every day. Thanks, Kirsten.

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Barbara Payne, November 5th 2007 | Posted in African single women/mothers, convent, courage, finding yourself, meeting expectations

Car-buying adventures for single women

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Take out the garbage. Clean up the dog puke. Nurse the baby. Order groceries (going to the actual grocery store is so last decade). Tell the nanny where the new formula is. Get an appointment with the doctor because you had a fever of 102 last night. Plan how to get to the doctor appointment before you go to work and how you’ll find the time to buy a new car.

Whew. A not-unusual single hour in a typical single mom’s day. But that buying a car thing, that’s a challenge that takes a lot of preparation and research if you want to make a smart choice at a reasonable price and get through the process with minimal hassle. Our SWWAN partner, AskPatty.com, is collecting stories from women just like you and me about your car (love it? hate it? can’t wait to get rid of it?) Go to CarBlabber to share yours.

Stay tuned. A great interview with Jody DeVere, founder of AskPatty.com, will soon be available for listening or downloading on SWWAN Dive radio for women!

And we’re looking for some single women who’d like to share their stories with us for an article we’re writing for AskPatty. So email us info at swwan dot org.

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Barbara Payne, October 18th 2007 | Posted in new car, SWWAN Dive radio for women, woman buying a car

Touching on the spiritual

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A friend, who seems to have been doing some exploring of spirituality, sent me a link today to a survey about what kind spiritual/religious person you are. The questions aren’t simple to answer–on several of them I wanted to choose more than one, but that wasn’t allowed. Turns out I’m a Seeker. Other options are Companion, Thinker, Believer, Maverick, and Lover. Take it here if you’re curious how you’ll come out.

She sent another link with some good moral-of-the-story tidbits. Here’s one I enjoyed:

A monk in his travels once found a precious stone and kept it. One day he
met a traveler, and when the monk opened his bag to share his provisions with
him, the traveler saw the jewel and asked the monk to give it to him. The monk
did so readily. The traveler departed, overjoyed with the unexpected gift of the
precious stone that was enough to give him wealth and security for the rest of
his life. However, a few days later he came back in search of the monk, found
him, gave him back the stone, and entreated him, “Now give me something much
more precious than this stone, valuable as it is. Give me that which enabled you
to give it to me.”–from a story told by Anthony de Mello

Nice to think about during those times we face rough waters in our financial situation. Those who hav faith and trust in a higher power can change their outlook about anything to a more positive spin.

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Barbara Payne, October 10th 2007 | Posted in faith, moral of the story, religion, religious fervor, spirituality

AARP survey: The Secret Lives of Single Women

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Wow. Imagine finding single women all over the place who admit that life can be pretty tough but that they really are happy being single. AARP can reach a lot of people with its massive member base, so when they report on The Secret Lives of Single Women, it’s worth hearing.

Talk about prejudice. Listen to a researcher found 950 college students describing married people–“happy, loving, secure, stable, and kind.” Their words for singles were more like “lonely, shy, unhappy, insecure, inflexible, and stubborn.” Good grief. Does that sound like you? I’m pretty sure nobody I know would describe me that way! But then, we’re talking about “knowing” someone versus guessing what people you don’t know might be like. A different ballgame–and therein lies the rub.

Love this myth buster: “Myth #10 Single women aren’t as healthy as married women.
Reality: Generally true, but now single women are taking charge of their health just as they’re taking control of other parts of their lives.For decades health researchers have consistently found that married women are healthier than single women. But the most negative health outcomes for women have been associated with those who are divorced or widowed. Very little attention has been paid to the long-term health outcomes of women who are contentedly single. One surprising finding to come out of the AARP Foundation women’s survey, however, is that single women tend to think of themselves as healthy—46 percent said their health is excellent or very good (emphasis mine–what do we know about the power of the mind over the body???). In addition, 90 percent of the single women in the study said they’re very or somewhat confident that they’re doing all they can to keep themselves healthy. “These findings seem promising,” says Jean Kalata, AARP research analyst and principal researcher for the AARP Foundation women’s study, “but we need more research into single women and the effects of happiness on health.”

Anyway, if you have a few minutes, read the report. It’s fun to hear such good things about single working women!

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Barbara Payne, October 5th 2007 | Posted in Uncategorized

US not alone in rising number of single-parent households

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Even though the tradition to have a regular family with lots of kids has been strong among Jews, times are changing in Israel as well as other countries. The number of single-parent families in Israel has doubled over last decade. At 7% of all families, the single-parent household is a growing minority (90% of those are women-headed).

Here are the rankings of countries in order of their number of single-headed households, according to an NII report:

  • United State ranked in first place with 16%
  • Canada followed with 11%
  • Finland, South Korea, New Zealand and Norway are ranked third with 9%
  • Australia, the UK, Austria and Portugal ranked fourth with 8%
  • Israel is fifth with 7%
  • Denmark, Spain and Switzerland came in at sixth place (6%), and
  • Germany, Greece, Japan and Luxembourg (5%).

The same forces seem to be at work in most countries–better pay and more opportunities for women are leading to fewer marriages and more women choosing to remain single after divorce or become moms on their own.

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Barbara Payne, October 3rd 2007 | Posted in single moms, single mothers, single mothers by choice, single parents

Night time occupation

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Just wrote a couple of new book reviews for our SWWAN book/movie review page (www.swwan.org/mind_food/read_reviews.htm). Seems like a good thing to do at night when your brain is fried from a long day. It's always nice to remember what you enjoyed about reading a particular book.

We're working on getting some automated functionality set up so YOU can enter your own book and movie reviews on our website. Anybody know a friend or colleague with programming skills who'd like to help out single working women? If you know of some possible folks, please chat with them and/or send us their names. We'll gladly give that person credit and a spotlight on our website

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Barbara Payne, September 21st 2007 | Posted in Uncategorized
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