Ran across this great blog today called “the F-word” and she writes a smoking article about the way society thinks of single women. Thank you editor Jess McCabe and founder Catherine Redfern for your passion and persistence in the important mission of transforming this state of affairs and letting single women come fully into their own.
May it happen in our time!
Got my fresh pine greens delivered with the groceries today. Brought up the little fake Christmas tree from storage and cleaned up the last of the plant stuff from the deck.
i'm ready now, both for winter and for the Christmas season. But being ready is more about emotional grounding in gratitude than about physical stuff. Yet tradition and symbols can be powerful incentives to having the right frame of mind.
Seems like Thanksgiving is a great groundbreaker for the rest of the holiday season. Just celebrating our bounty, welcoming those who don't have formal plans but want to share, preparing our hearts for feeling and expressing the love in our hearts perhaps a bit more openly than usual.
What do you do for Thanksgiving? Do you share with friends? Or are most of your friends busy with family? What about a single working woman (or anyone for that matter) who doesn't have family?
Having had a very challenging year this 2008, I found myself crying deeply the first few times I heard Christmas songs on the radio. Seems my heart is pretty grateful to be here and celebrating this beautiful time of year. I hope yours is, too.
Paul Newman is great as the slightly dangerous outsider trying to seduce the cool-as-a-cucumber Joanne Woodward in The Long, Hot Summer. Tennessee Williams knew how to show the truth of family and intimate relationships.
<BR><BR>Amazing to see the overwhelming, rich father trying to direct people's lives–especially forcing his "spinster" daughter to marry the outsider because he wants sons. Extraordinary to think of how many women's lives were at the mercy of the societal mores.
I'm reminded of a South American movie I saw once (got it out of the library) in which the father of his single daughter says to his friend, "Single women represent chaos. They belong only in a nunnery or in a marriage."
<BR><BR>Well, society is changing. With 51% of American women single today, we have to re-examine the meaning of being single.
It's like 3 o'clock in the morning. I just sent chatty emails to several friends who'd called yesterday. Does this ever happen to you? I hear from many women over 50 that waking in the middle of the night and being unable to get back to sleep for a couple of hours is not unusual.
And now I'm sitting here writing to the SWWAN blog (from my cell phone because I have a cool portable keyboard I use with it). I don't really want to sit at the computer because I'll get caught up in cleaning out the inbox which will lead to doing all kinds of things–some interesting and some just chores).
Talked to a single woman friend–a SWWAN founding member–last evening about her new business venture. We talked about how tough it can be to be completely on your own–no backup physical, financial or emotional support. It's certainly what makes SWWANs so strong and so creative. When you have limited resources, of necessity you have to be inventive to accomplish your goals.
Remember the line from the movie, When Harry Met Sally? Sally's long-time single friend says to her new fiance, "Promise me I'll never have to be out there again." That's what early love can feel like–a protective cocoon. You feel safe and shielded, or at least not alone in facing life's ups and downs. And having been married for 18 years (divorced now for 25), I can say even when a marriage is not happy, you still have a certain feeling of being protected. There's at least the illusion of security in marriage–even though it can sometimes only be maintained at a huge price. For many divorced SWWANs and an increasing number of ever-single SWWANs, the price was or is too high–in terms of personal autonomy, self-respect, or freedom to grow and be your best self.
The percentages of people marrying has been steadily declining in every state In the U.S. for the past several decades.
Wonder if the pendulum will ever swing back the other way? And what would have to happen to make it so?
Congratulations to America on its new president-elect, Barack Obama, and the historic choice of the first president with African American blood. The early victory looks a lot like a mandate from the people for change. Now let us pray that our new leader will be up to the tasks ahead. I wish his acceptance speech had better reflected the climactic energy and hope that brought about his election. But he will undoubtedly grow there, too, as he settles into his role as a world leader.
Read an interesting commentary in Cat Thompson’s winter newsletter, written before the election took place. She talks about how our minds seem to have separated–through our Republican and Democratic divide–personal responsibility from social responsibility. She reminds us, along with other soulful musings, that we really are enough:
We are designed as humans to manifest exactly what we need when we need it. We have forgotten that we have this power, because we have been brainwashed into thinking we are supposed to have more than we need. This is a relatively new idea – less than a hundred years old – yet one we violently defend. What if it’s time to let go of that idea? What if we embraced the thought that we could always manifest what we needed when we needed it?
In this prolonged period of fear and economic uncertainty in our country, such an empowering thought is balm to the spirit. And the 60% of 93 million single Americans who supported Obama (according to a pre-election Gallup poll) are the leading edge–along with millions of young people–in the wave of independence and courage and trust that empowerment brings with it. Single working women have been taking care of themselves for generations. And on this new day, we can again affirm deep in our hearts that we are truly enough. Your vote made a difference in this election. Your passion and creativity are making a difference in the world.
Read this today about men versus women at work and the role of children in reducing productivity. And should fathers who put more hours in because they don’t ever have to take care of their children get promoted over women who do? Have to comment.
Children can indeed be distracting at work. But the welfare of America depends on the good care of future generations. Comparing watching a football game with make sure a child is safe and protected simply doesn’t make sense. Having said that, though, there’s no reason why men shouldn’t be able to bring their children to work as much as women. Why differentiate? A good questions is, how many men would be willing to risk what they might consider “damage” to their male image by showing up at work with a kid?
With 51% of women today being single–many of them single mothers who may not have any extra help at home–it’s crazy not to think of ways to help all people with children be as fully productive as possible. By the same logic, single people should not be expected to carry extra burdens at work. Yet they may need time off to care for a friend or relative and not be able to get it. That’s not right either.
It’s about valuing each individual and helping each other, not fighting over–to coin a phrase from When Harry Met Sally–“this is yours; that’s mine.” There’s a ton of room for improvement in our society’s attitudes about family policy.
Beth accepts her SWWAN Week prize at Radiance Fine Jewelry where the event was held this August. Beth is on the left, and Rebecca, owner of the store and one of the original SWWAN vendors (25% off jewelry repair services for all SWWAN members!).
We’re excited to say that we were finally able to award Beth Bradfish, winner of the drawing at this year’s Single Working Women’s Week celebration, with the beautiful, bountiful basket of beauty products and other goodies from Nails by Michelle in Villa Park, Illinois (call for an apointment at 630.834.0004).
We’re also glad to say Beth plans to join our SWWAN vendor program for her unique coaching programs. Welcome, Beth. And tremendous thanks to Nails by Michelle for their generous and imaginative gift.
An old friend has decided her home/space is too crowded. But can you imagine–she’s going to live without a TV and VCR? I’m sure I could adapt eventually, but it seems that television/movies have been pretty good friends for a couple of years(especially during a recent recuperation–though I’m reading a LOT, too).
It’s a hard habit to break because it’s so easy to just settle down and let yourself be entertained. Watched Amadeus last night–I remember when I first saw it years ago I was so turned off by the way the guy played Mozart’s character (sleazy and laughing like an idiot) that I refused to watch it. Turns out it was pretty good once I got past that part. And the MUSIC! I like movies with good music in them. I love the movie Ray, and Walk the Line, and the one about the life of Jerry Lee Lewis.
How far would you go to clear out your life? What would you be willing to give up? How hard do you think it would be for you to adapt to life without TV or movies? Imagine if we had a massive electrical failure (like we did several years ago when the grid went out for a couple of days) and we’d have not only no TV but also no computers! I think I’m going to get on the Internet right now and buy one of those hand-crank-powered radios. Hey, maybe I’ll even buy a manual typewriter so I can keep writing. But then…I’d just be putting more clutter in my space.
On second thought, my hand-written journals have always been a comfort when I’ve had time. Guess without computers, I’d have a lot of time since these days, as a freelance writer, I’m in front of one virtually 10 to 12 hours a day. I remember vaguely there’s a non-computerized way for writers to make a living, but it can’t be as easy as writing from my home office.
Does your clutter ever get you down?
What an amazing organization! At Momsrising.org they are fighting all over the United States for legal rights and fair treatment for mothers of all kinds, single and married, who are discriminated against in the work place. According to their research, single moms make only 60% of what men make, even less than the average woman. Then adding it all up, female college grads forfeit a million dollars over their careers.
In the US, mothers and familiies receive less support than in any other industrialized country.
Parents must have time to bond with newborn or newly adopted. Bonding decreases infant mortality, improves child health, reduces juvenile delinquency. Yet only 1 in 7 US mothers receives paid childbirth leave. We are at the bottom in this area – US is on par with New Guinea and Swaziland.
Calif. is the only state that has mandatory 6 weeks’ paid leave for parents. The American Federation of Labor advocated for it there. It’s financed because Calif. workers agreed to pay through small payroll deductions.
I got this information and a cool DVD–The Motherhood Manifesto–about it from Kiki Peppard, a single mom who’s been fighting for 10 years to end discrimination against mothers in PA. She moved there from New York and no one would hire her when they found out she was a single mom!
Here are a few more points and some organizations worth knowing about:
Center for New American Dream – “More of what matters.” 4 day week, flexible hours. Time off for kid stuff.
Center for Work-Life Law. No benefits for part-timers hurts mainly women. Business in gen. will not address.
Once businessman learned he was unwittingly discriminating against women. His decision to give everyone flexible hours attracted new, stronger talent, turnover slowed dramatically. Business is great, costs are down.
We need legislation like European – equal treatment for part-timers and flexible hours. UK – soft-touch law, through which any employee can ask employer to grant a different schedule- compressed work week, etc. when need to care for child.
If we give workers flexibility, productivity does NOT have to go down.
The Motherhood Project- concerned about the media, US kids spend 8 hours a day connected. 1000 murders, doubled sexual incidents on TV, millions of children
home alone after school. More juvenile crimes up during times kids are unsupervised. Need more after-school programs. Seattle pays for buses to take kids home after scchool.Health care. Medical bills figure in 50% of all bankruptcies. People without insurance are 2-3 times more likely to die of same disease as those with. 9 million US kids have no insurance. Life expectancy, mother/child mortality we are far below other nations. Should have all kids insured through program like Medicare. this plus paid sick leave would make a huge difference for mothers.
Center for Social Law/Policy. Children get better faster when parents are around. Only US does not require paid sick leave, incl. time to care for kids.
Childcare – quality matters.average cost of childcare is more than cost of university tuition. Average child care worker earns $17000/year. There’s a union for home child care providers in Chicago. The US once passed a universal child care bill–Richard Nixon vetoed it.
Equal Rights Advocates – fights for minimum wage.
Take Back Your Time – fights for well-rounded life rights.A Better Balance – young lawyers on work/family conflict. More flexiibility, esp. for low-income workers.
The balancing Act – bill for Rep. Woolsey. Women’s #1 issue is no free time, not enough time.
It’s a novel, but it has the ring of truth to it–Life’s A Beach, by Claire Cook, bestselling author of Must Love Dogs. Truly funny and entertaining story of woman who is single again at 41 and living above her parents ‘ garage and trying to be an artist and figure out what she wants to do with her life. Depictions of her relationships with her parents, sister and boyfriend are wonderful. Seems she’s always keeping “one foot out the door.”
In a revealing argument with the boyfriend-she-can’t-seem-to-get-settled-with, they appear to be discovering their true feelings about the other’s choice of pets–but are really commenting on each other’s attitudes about their relationship:
“Cats, ” he said slowly and clearly, ” are for people who don’t really want to go out of their way. They’re as close as you can get to not having a pet. ” “Oh, okay ,” she counters, “Dogs, dogs are as close you can get to having a person in your life without really having one.”
This is just one of the many books we list and review for you on our website. We’re building a nice reading list–check out some other book and movie reviews.
